I didnt read much, but you say you didnt do things you wanted to do, i think this means that you have limiting beliefs that are an obstacle for doing what you really want, and i have a tool for you to get rid of this limiting beliefs, its a weird tool, it looks a little weird, and it promises much, but its easy, fast, and free, and i strongly recommend you and encourage you to try it, it may change your life as well as it did with mine with a similar problem than yours, this tool is called EFT, try the link at my signature, and visit
Tapping.com - Free EFT Videos - Emotional Freedom Technique for some good free videos to start really quick, good luck!.