[BEN HUTSON]

Greetings people, I'm happy that i have found this forum.

I've always had this ongoing problem of introversion. since mid teen years I've seemed to cast myself away from social groups, or when participating in social conversation, and i hear people talking i have nothing constructive to say, unless I'm knowledgeable of whatever they are talking about, which seems to be this way in many peoples cases, whether its small talk from the less knowledgeable, or big talk (back to back interest). I'm not sure if there were any past occurrences or turning points in my life that coulda brought this on me, and its not really a problem of feeling lonely, its more of a problem wanting to verbally express myself. I'm not really introverted when I'm around my couple of friends, that I've grown up with, who i share interests with, but when I'm around my older brother, I'm totally introvert . i think its because he is more intelligent than me, because when we're talking I'm usually in "passive" mode the whole time, it feels like a defense mechanism that switches on so i dont sound stupid if i say something outta context, he lectures me about a lot of things that i read about on the internet, religion, spirituality, how the world works, government, etc... i feel as if I'm a smart person myself, because I'm able to express my research and findings to my friends , but its just totally different when I'm around my brother. Whenever we're riding, or sitting and chatting,i want to deeply accommodate the social response but i find myself mentally scrambling for things to say, and usually I'm like " yea" " thats true man"... "yeea" after each statement.. We hardly don't hang around much but we're still close.. Hes 28, and I'm 21.. I'm just so amazed at how intelligent and articulate he sounds when he speaks.. Hes a funny guy, and we went out las night because i wanted to get out the house,we were going to a little club area, but heh, iforgot my i.d.

The whole time we were driving he was talking about the psychology of men and women, and why we're attracted to one another** went much deeper than that** Prior to us going out thats a subject i've been researching for a while, and I've came to my conclusions as well, but i just found myself saying "yea" "thats true man"... after every statement.. i was just sitting there very quietly since he doesn't have a radio, and he says " COME ON MAN!! GET HYPE WE'RE GOIN' OUT TONITE!" all i did was nod my head and smiled, but i really wanted to shout out tooo.. i feel like i offend him when i don't say anything, and i think its sad. I slept over his house after we got back, and just sat on the couch the whole time, I'M REALLY NOT SURE WHY.. he would come around and say a degree of things, like regular chat, and i may say a sentence to compliment what he said, and thats it. I feel like empty luggage when i'm around him because i have nothing to contribute,or rather, i don't know what topics to bring up .

I've come to a conclusion that maybe the reason why I'm introverted around him is because sub consciously i fear his intelligence and whatever i contribute will be of no value...to him during the conversation..Heck, i'm even an introvert on many forums.

Is this a natural trait that all humans have? in regards to the intelligence of older siblings and their longer life experience?


Thanks for your time.