Actually I'm results oriented in another way.
1. I'm 20 years old, and I love reading. I figure I'll live for about another 60 years. In that time, I'm prolly gonna be reading a lot of books. If I can cut down the amount of time I read them, a year isn't a big deal. Obviously I haven't been spending 8 hours each day at it.
2. I'm realizing that at lesat part of my inability to make this work consistantly is in not really following the whole system. I didn't set a clear definite and focused purpose for a long time because I like to learn everything in a book. But then, I realized that's my philosophy to life, too. I want everything. I'm learning to become more focused
3. Persisting in this is fertile PD ground anyway. First it is helping me learn persistance, second it is helping me to grow in a way I had not expected, to let my conscious mind relax for a little bit. Third, in a general "let go and trust" sort of way, like I said above. If I was a believer, I might say that I'm coming up against the trap of being at the level of courage, that of trying to control everything.
4. I can make it work, but not consistantly. This isn't a matter of faith, because I have at least some proof (obviously only adequate for me). In fact, I keep a list of reasons for PR working successfully that I can refer to if I'm feeling demotivated. Whenever you're learning a new skill, there will be times when it works better than others.
5. Going forward, my business is in knowledge. I'm a knowledge worker. Input, processing and output is one model of my business and any way to improve/increase input is worth trying out for a while. People spend millions of dollars on marginal gains (unless you're an american car company, then you spend millions to just keep up).
The potential rewards outweigh the costs I've put in for me.
I guess they don't for you. Keep this course in mind later. I remember reading a review where an engineer (i think) was in much the same position as you and just gave up. A year later, he came back to it and it just worked for him. Perhaps this just isn't the time in your growth for this.
BTW, I'm an athiest.
