Sounds like there's something you're hiding from yourself, and it's coming out inappropriately in the way you treat her. Then you watch your behavior in horror, mystified as to why you're acting like such a ****.
So, what are you pretending? Are you swallowing some resentment about the relationship? Maybe you are angry because you feel she's not giving you the best of her time and attention WHEN you want it. So you are "punishing" her without being aware of it. That's passive-aggression, and it doesn't do very much good for a relationship!
The good news is that looking honestly at what you've been hiding from yourself, and shining the light of day on it, will go a long way towards helping you create something that works better.
Best wishes!
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