Angela, LoA as in "Leave of Absence"? Is this supposed to be a joke? I'm absent enough during my conversations, thank you very much.
But I'm not inclined to believe that you meant that to be funny. If from my replies you gathered that I'm being defensive, well, that's not really what I was hoping to achieve. I was just saying that "that's not it", in hopes that someone, yourself and myself included, would come up with something better. Sorry if I've dragged you into a discussion you didn't want to have by this. That was not my intention. But I don't understand why you thought my responses were snarky; all I ever did in response to you was to explain my problem in a little more detail.
You said:
Quote:
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If you were to focus on what you want to create in a conversation [...]
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(Added emphasis.) But
focus is exactly my problem, can't you see? I'm not asking here how to have a nice conversation - I'm asking how not to unfocus. How to prevent that switch I introduced earlier from being thrown off?
Hmm, you know, I think you
did give me a new perspective as well. I've just identified the difference - in more essential terms - between conversations during which I unfocus and when I stay focused, and the latter has a great deal to do with what you were suggesting, I think. I'll have to think on this for a bit more, but while I'm thinking, perhaps, if you're willing, you can answer me a little sub-question: Suppose I'm not the one starting the conversation; suppose it's a person who's a stranger to me; or someone I scarcely know and was never really interested in knowing very well (or make a summary for all of the above). My question is: what should my goal (or aim; whatever you call it) be in such conversations?