[groove88]

Originally Posted by Angela

Sourceror, every person in every conversation has an aim. What I am suggesting to you is that you align yourself with an aim that will inspire you -- it doesn't have to be love or affinity, although I think there are probably none better. What you could create could be "smaller" as you say, as long as it's a positive aim as opposed to the one that seems to be driving you now: "I have a serious problem -- my consciousness switches off during conversation."

A great way to approach an aim like affinity is to commit yourself to really getting what the other person has to say, and to let go of your little voice in your head as it comes up. To do this, listen from a point of view of "what does this person want to get by having this conversation?" When he says something, repeat back his point without interpreting or editing and ask him, "am I understanding you corrrectly?" Once he has assurred you that you understand what he's saying, then you have a free pathway to letting him know what you want to create in the conversation -- the micro-aim, I mean, not the affinity. For instance, maybe it's as simple as: you both want to make a profit on a particular transaction, and there's something getting in the way of that. What can we do so that we're both satisfied? Before you can really be present and get it worked out to the satisfaction of both, you both have to understand and be understood.

If you go "dead", you will neither understand nor be understood -- no affinity. If you focus on making sure you understand and are understood, you are generating affinity.

Generating love, that's the next step, but we'll talk about that later.

Nice one Angela, solid advice here which i used today. Thanks