It sounds like you are being very hard on yourself and your former mates. I've never studied martial arts, but I do know that the philosophies behind many martial arts do not support vindictiveness.
Commit to forgive yourself and others. You are not flawed to the core, nor is anyone else. We're all human, and it is natural that we all are imperfect.
One thing that really helped me when I was healthy enough was the Belief Paraliminal CD. When problems started hurting me to the point of distraction, I decided to go to intensive outpatient therapy at a local hospital to work on the issues that would fix my problems with myself and my past. Both have been really helpful, but I have to say that the Belief Paraliminal CD is much cheaper. If you can't find a program like that at your hospital, another cheap option is to do the exercises within the book The Authentic Career, which is more about finding yourself than finding a job. You won't have the benefits of group feedback, unless you start the group yourself, but you will have a lot of the same beneficial insights into yourself.
Good luck with everything, and keep us updated on your progress.
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