[Angela]

It sounds like you're saying you have absolutely no control over your thoughts when you enter a conversation. You become a robot, and you have absolutely to ability to consciously direct your thoughts. If that is so, I believe that you are mentally ill and you would be wise to consult a health professional.

But I don't believe that that is so. I don't believe you are mentally ill. I think you do have the ability to control your thoughts, but you are fighting really hard to hold onto "I shut down during conversations." This whole thread has been about your fight to hold onto that thought.

You're welcome to do that, Sourceror, and to see what tiny improvements you can gain, bit by bit. Or, you can try on: consciously thinking thoughts that produce better results, and surrendering your self-limiting thoughts.