Thank you all for your tireless, persistent help. You have continued to help me as I've been stuck and going in circles. I truly feel loved and I highly appreciate that.
Alex Barthe, a forum member, is helping me pursue a career as a sex therapist. Everyone knows that I was gunning
for that escorting job and that I enjoyed the stripping job. Everyone knows that I'm not thrilled about being an admin, as it's unrelated to my passion, which is sex. Sex makes me happy and allows me to connect with people on a deeper level. It's an expression of love, love for myself, and love for the other. That's why I like it so much. It's not fake, it's real.
I have had a rewarding year. I went from being in and out of the hospital to stability. I went from an abusive relationship to the caring and admiration of my suitors. I went from being insecure about my body vis a vis stripping to landing a stripping job and conquering the field. Recently, I went from hearing voices to embracing the present moment experience. I have made a lot of progress and can finally say I'm happy. Although I was a "superstar" in high school up until my freshman year at Duke, I have found myself and love myself a lot more now than I ever have. I was a perfectionist in high school and at Duke because I desperately wanted to be accepted. Now I know that I don't need to gain acceptance of people I don't admire, as Johnny Soporno once put it.
I will continue on this journey of career and job exploration. If I have to be an admin, it won't be so bad. It will just be a stepping stone to bigger and better things. But I will strive to pursue jobs that are in line with my interest, sex positive jobs such as administrative assistant for Planned Parenthood, webcam, or working in a sex store. I don't need money to make me happy though, I'm already there