Originally Posted by nistacular
Ron, I absolutely love how you take my words literally and respond to every point individually. Why? Because that's how I intended to write it... most everyone would simply glance at and try to lump it together in some general meaning and then give their opinion, but in doing so would lose so much of the meaning.... I realize you do this because you want to help me, and for that I'm grateful.
The dirty little secret about me is that I love to learn and share...always been that way. Thanks for noticing!
My greatest reward is when my gift of self has been truly received, not just politely listened to. I'm sincerely trying to make a positive difference and when it happens, I feel a tremendous joy! That you reward me with the feedback energizes me to keep sharing!
Psychology is fascinating... do you think we have an obligation to prop up others egos, because if we don't, they'll feel bad? As you said, you felt anxious around others because you could see through their ego, but yet they still try to take themselves (their ego) so seriously - well what do you do here? Just show them compassion and ignore their ego? When so many relationships, even friendships, are based on ego, it seems like a lonely way to live sometimes... especially at the age of 19!
People that live through their egos (almost everyone) are dependent on you for two things. One is that they have to feel superior to you in some way so you can't be making them look bad. The other is similar, you can't be poking their egos in the eye with intelligent perspective. So you're stuck. You can't live a life that they are jealous of and you can't speak your mind. If you want to keep "friends", you have to suck up to them.
Just be yourself. That is your first responsibility in life. You were born a seed of potential with certain gifts and limits in your abilities. To enjoy life, you have to be on the journey towards blooming and you are. Before the seed can sprout and right now you're trying to get the rocks and weeds (egos) out of the soil so you can grow.
Next you need a gardener to water and fertilize you with deep perspective. For me, it's been Osho. A gardener knows how to help a seed grow...the ego friends don't. They are dormant seeds only with an opinion about you and life. Get a gardener and forget the rest.
Also I find many people don't want to be shown compassion - they see it as insulting to their independence/their ego. They want to be feared, not loved. Or at least, they want to be respected for what they offer, and what they offer alone. What do you think of this? Also I'm starting to be more like that... I think at this stage in my life I'd have a hard time accepting someone else's love without feeling awkward.
An ego is pretension where compassion is an expression. An ego is a fake expression while compassion is the real deal. If the egoist knew love, he wouldn't live a fake life.
Love is a higher way of living than ego. The ego doesn't know what to do when love comes into the room. The ego gets uncomfortable. The ego is a habit while love is an experience. Shifting from habit to authentic living is a mind warp....best to stay in the mind, to stay in control, so love gets the cold shoulder.
It's really amazing to watch in people. To see them forget to pretend to be the ego then catch themselves and regain their fake composure.
Also... on this forum honestly I still don't consider myself having participated in the ego game... maybe you're right, throughout my life I've been experimenting with the ego a lot. Of course, to some degree it's unavoidable, considering we all have our own 'style' until we are enlightened... But on this forum, it's a place for openness. Interesting, my problem before, and for much of my life seems to be one of LANGUAGE. I'd actually assume that someone else knew my intentions/what I was talking about when I'd say strange things in combination with facial expressions or gestures.... and it'd just make me look awkward. But if they were as intuitive as I was, they'd know what was going on. Now I'm more careful about language haha - this seems to be quite the necessary life skill.
The written word is difficult because it lacks the energy of what is "spoken". That's why we have these...
On top of that, someone lost in ego hears one thing and someone that realizes beyond ego reads something else. The egoist projects his ego into your words, makes assumptions, then treats you like the assumptions are true.
The heart centered person also projects but doesn't assume, rather he asks if his assumption is true.
This is because it is realized that words have different meanings to different people. We can't help project our meanings onto the words of the other because all the words are in our memory associated with our thoughts and experiences. Language can't convey the speaker's experiences. He can only hope to draw out a similar experience in the one listening. If the listener has never experienced what is being shared then it's just an idea and nothing more.
And to go off on a tangent, dogmas repeat and repeat ideas that we never can experience and make those ideas into habitual thought and that creates a mental prison. Once those ideas are turned into a habit, we think we know not realizing that we never experienced what we think, therefore we don't really know.
To see this sets you free from institutions that rely on habitual thoughts to mold you and steer you in a direction favorable to the institution. It is THE source of evil in the world.