Ron, I absolutely love how you take my words literally and respond to every point individually. Why? Because that's how I intended to write it... most everyone would simply glance at and try to lump it together in some general meaning and then give their opinion, but in doing so would lose so much of the meaning.... I realize you do this because you want to help me, and for that I'm grateful. <3
Psychology is fascinating... do you think we have an obligation to prop up others egos, because if we don't, they'll feel bad? As you said, you felt anxious around others because you could see through their ego, but yet they still try to take themselves (their ego) so seriously - well what do you do here? Just show them compassion and ignore their ego? When so many relationships, even friendships, are based on ego, it seems like a lonely way to live sometimes... especially at the age of 19!
Also I find many people don't want to be shown compassion - they see it as insulting to their independence/their ego. They want to be feared, not loved. Or at least, they want to be respected for what they offer, and what they offer alone. What do you think of this? Also I'm starting to be more like that... I think at this stage in my life I'd have a hard time accepting someone else's love without feeling awkward.
Also... on this forum honestly I still don't consider myself having participated in the ego game... maybe you're right, throughout my life I've been experimenting with the ego a lot. Of course, to some degree it's unavoidable, considering we all have our own 'style' until we are enlightened... But on this forum, it's a place for openness. Interesting, my problem before, and for much of my life seems to be one of LANGUAGE. I'd actually assume that someone else knew my intentions/what I was talking about when I'd say strange things in combination with facial expressions or gestures.... and it'd just make me look awkward. But if they were as intuitive as I was, they'd know what was going on. Now I'm more careful about language haha - this seems to be quite the necessary life skill.