You are amazing to share this experience here.
The information and insight is so helpful for me, right now in my life.
I feel very connected to your story because you are giving me insight to what life must have been like for my mother.
She passed away this year. She battled demons from her childhood and spent her life feeling the rejection and abondonment.
I did not understand all of this, of course when I was a kid, but pieces of information about her life have been coming to me to allow me to be more empathetic. I need to forgive my mom and let go of the chaos she brought to my life.
She was a pack rat and enjoyed living in disorder. She was unable to do basic upkeep of our home. She would have periods of extreme anxiety, especially during the holiday. I could not even understand the unstability of the situation until I was in my early 30's.
Today, Christmas Eve, I feel the energy of her anxiety and it is not a ghost I want to keep around.
As you heal yourself here Greekdog, you are healing parts of a huge chunk of pain I have held on to that came from the disfunctional home lead by my mom.
Thank you and please keep going.