There are no guys involved. She's a lesbian. I like your thinking, though, haha.
I just got back from hanging out with her for several hours. It was nice. I had it in my mind to say a lot of things to her - not say she's insensitive or anything that might come off as judgmental, but just to be very loving. Well, I said nothing of what I had planned to say - I didn't feel in control of the conversation, and she was kind of all over the place trying to do ♥♥♥♥... so it wasn't the intimate kind of hangout to say the things I wanted to say. I was really uptight the whole time, and she told me to relax and said I looked "really tense." I was tense because there was a lot I wanted to say that wasn't getting said and b/c of course I'm still getting used to just being friends. It's odd to know her without at least thinking freely about the possibility of dating her because I had always been attracted to / interested in her from the time we met.
But it's good. I'm glad we're still friends and hanging out. I am seeing that the same old stressful patterns of interacting with her are still there as just friends - and since we are just friends, it's a lot less intense, but it just tells me that this problem may never be resolved and that she just isn't really the one I should be dating, as much as I enjoyed the moments outside the stress. I don't know how not to stress when it comes to her.
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