I have used the four steps in the past but I am finding that each time I set aside an 11 week period to work the four steps I get deeper and deeper into the blockages that have held me back.
It is absurdly painful but worth it none-the-less because these blockages and this pain is at work on some level whether I address it or not. so I would much rather go through this and arrive at the other side rather than maintain my level of pain.
As I progress through this 11 week episode I am finding some really painful stuff. My biggest issue is that I shut down and avoid doing the things that are jut part of basic everyday life. For some reason cleaning and keeping house create an incredible block for me. I have not gotten to the very basic issue behind it all but I am getting at some part of it. It definitely goes back to my childhood.
Schwartz makes the point that will can not be accessed to overcome these brain patterns so the way through is to identify the aberrant "thought", relabel it as a faulty brain function and then refocus onto something that is positive action finishing up with a revalue.
The more I do this (I am currently still working on the first two steps trying to move into the 3rd step) the more i get to the problem that is keeping me bound. It is a kind of resistance. It is like a childish rage that resists what is being expected from me as the only way to express my own power. It is so painful to be stuck in this very childish mental place.
But this process will lead me through. Just means much pain on the way. That pain or my avoidance of it is exactly what has lead me to the paralysis or shutdown.
So I am in the place where meditation or focus on breath is to allow enough perspective to allow me to keep moving forward in spite of the pain rather than getting stuck in shut down.
Now that I have articulated the process I hope to be able to make a list of things to be accomplished along with a timeline and them start moving forward and ticking them off.