[oberlee]

Okay, I just have to put in my 2 cents here because this is a charged subject for me...

I recently had an abortion; it was about 2 months ago, in fact. I am a 28-year-old in a very happy relationship, and we have 2 kids to take care of (they’re not mine—they’re my partner’s), so I am the perfect age, technically, to take on this responsibility. However, I never regretted my decision to have the abortion.

My decision did come from love, contrary to what many of you on this thread believe. My decision came from love of my partner, his children, and where we are right now. I see my relationship to him as my first priority, and I want to cultivate that until we’re ready (we’ve been together 2 years, and we're not ready right now). Secondary to that, and perhaps not as convincing, is that economically it’s not the right time for us. Thirdly, as actors, we’re in the middle of our careers right now and want to put our energy into that at this time.

I don’t dispute that some people are incredibly happy that they choose not to have them, or that some are devastated after they do; I just think that no one can speak for me (hey—if you believe in subjective reality, then my feelings on it are all that matter). I won’t say it wasn’t sad, or that I didn’t cry or feel any loss, but I never regretted it. I do not feel a karmic deficiency because of this, and I believe that that child’s spirit understands my motives and my love for him/her as well; I asked him/her to return in a few years when our decision to have a baby was complete.

In a black and white world, abortion sounds wrong because it sounds like murder. Chinese Dragon makes the case that you never know when the soul is bound to the body...but why assume it's at conception? If you’re saying killing life is wrong, well, what constitutes “life?” An egg is alive, and so is sperm. Just because something happens, to make another thing happen to make another, ultimately resulting in a fully-formed human child, where do you draw the line? “Life” was always there. We can’t know when consciousness was, either. So, should we “save” all the potential life out there? What about if you have unprotected sex and you DON’T get pregnant? Should I be blamed for the “loss” of that life, albeit a potential life? What if I have protected sex and DO get pregnant, and still choose to have an abortion? What about the eggs that DON’T get fertilized every month? What about the gazillions of sperm that die from lack of meeting with that one perfect egg?

Absurd, I know, but there needs to be a line drawn somewhere. Everyone’s drawing a line between “OK” and “murder,” and our lines are different. Pro-choicers put it during the pregnancy, usually within the first 2 trimesters, but even that is tricky. Is it wrong to have an abortion during the 3rd trimester? In most cases, yeah, I kind of think so. But then I’m in an even grayer region. Pro-lifers do it from conception. But, what if my body miscarries the body because of my food intake and what vitamins I’m consuming, or consuming too much of? Or, maybe we just draw it where the staunchest of Christians put it (not all—only the staunchest): no sex without intent to produce a child?

That, ultimately, seems to make the most sense, if you’re being black and white about it. Drawn to this conclusion, it’s stupid and absurd, and I think the best thing is for each couple or woman to decide for themselves.

I respect Erin’s opinion on this, as I do Chinese Dragon’s and everyone else’s; again, it’s individual, and you can only control your own actions. The thing is, since different opinions don’t make sense in my reality, then to me, my decision is the right one. For others, it would be perceived by them as wrong, and it would be the BAD choice.

Lastly, it seems silly to put the lives of people that are actually HERE, i.e., myself and my own family, second to someone that is less than an inch long and who is, ultimately, only a potential person (30% of fetuses are miscarried).

And to anyone out there in this position, educate yourself, go to an understanding, loving clinic (as I did), understand EVERYTHING about your fetus and the procedure, and make only—repeat ONLY—the right decision for YOU.