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CuriousSeeker · 12-22-2011, 12:37 AM

I got some experience getting women to share their fears and traumas which I will try to share.

As many suggest here, giving her space is a step in the right direction. And you might need it as well, in order to not burn out your love for her trying to bang your head against her wall.

Getting women to share is all about trust. When she feels connected to you, that she can trust you to not judge or spread the information she gave you, then she will start sharing. Most people do want to share their fears and to feel accepted and loved even afterwards. One of their biggest fear about sharing is having someone reject them or judge them. Avoid that.

Usually getting a woman into sharing mode takes a fair bit of small talk, humor is a big help, share little things about each other and build the conversation around that. Find something in your lives you share, something she likes to talk about. Build on that. Use humour.

Often the subject will gradually ease into her traumas and fears, but it will feel natural to her. Don't push it, let her open up without forcing her. Good listening is often just about affirming what she just said, i.e. repeating back what she said in your own words so that she see you understood her. Often such a feedback cycle will lead her to share more. Avoid judgemental or giving your opinion on her fears.

At some point she might be shutting down, she might need more time to be more intimate about more details. At that point I would usually not push her, but just thank her for sharing, show your appreciation for that she can trust you enough to open up. Then gently try to change the subject.
When she feels open again you will naturally move the conversation back into the place where she can share.

You can often, using your social intelligence, gently nudge the topic over to her fears, but it should be natural given the conversation, and not intrusive.
Be gentle with it and carefully consider her response to it to see if she seems open to share more. Back out if she hesitates.

Often just stating a fact about the situation without judging can also help them to open up. If she goes silent, just say something like .. it's hard for you to put words on your feelings, and let her pick up on that.
Other things that might help is just stating that intimacy is about sharing things. Share one of your fears to set an example if you wish.

12-22-2011, 12:37 AM	#8 (permalink)
CuriousSeeker Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Oslo, Norway Posts: 5	I got some experience getting women to share their fears and traumas which I will try to share. As many suggest here, giving her space is a step in the right direction. And you might need it as well, in order to not burn out your love for her trying to bang your head against her wall. Getting women to share is all about trust. When she feels connected to you, that she can trust you to not judge or spread the information she gave you, then she will start sharing. Most people do want to share their fears and to feel accepted and loved even afterwards. One of their biggest fear about sharing is having someone reject them or judge them. Avoid that. Usually getting a woman into sharing mode takes a fair bit of small talk, humor is a big help, share little things about each other and build the conversation around that. Find something in your lives you share, something she likes to talk about. Build on that. Use humour. Often the subject will gradually ease into her traumas and fears, but it will feel natural to her. Don't push it, let her open up without forcing her. Good listening is often just about affirming what she just said, i.e. repeating back what she said in your own words so that she see you understood her. Often such a feedback cycle will lead her to share more. Avoid judgemental or giving your opinion on her fears. At some point she might be shutting down, she might need more time to be more intimate about more details. At that point I would usually not push her, but just thank her for sharing, show your appreciation for that she can trust you enough to open up. Then gently try to change the subject. When she feels open again you will naturally move the conversation back into the place where she can share. You can often, using your social intelligence, gently nudge the topic over to her fears, but it should be natural given the conversation, and not intrusive. Be gentle with it and carefully consider her response to it to see if she seems open to share more. Back out if she hesitates. Often just stating a fact about the situation without judging can also help them to open up. If she goes silent, just say something like .. it's hard for you to put words on your feelings, and let her pick up on that. Other things that might help is just stating that intimacy is about sharing things. Share one of your fears to set an example if you wish.