Originally Posted by Philemon
I've started to lean toward this, too. Thanks for the advice. Thing is, she doesn't always deal positively with space or actually appreciate me giving it.
Eventually, we seem to work it out. For example, today we've talked and resolved things a bit.
It's a conundrum. I'm just trying to keep my patience.
It sounds like it's moving too fast for her. You say she doesn't appreciate you giving her space but I find that hard to believe. She knows you're not really giving her space or don't want to actually give her space. So she's testing if you're pretending to give her space. The result is known when you immediately jump right back to where you already wanted to be anyway. All crazed out and in love with her.
So then she knows you aren't really giving her space because you want to give her space, but that you're giving her space because it's something you perceive she wants.
In a way she's trying to say she doesn't feel the same way you do because if she actually felt that way she would be acting just like you are. There would be no question about wanting to spend time after talking all day. It just would be a given. Even talking all day to me is usually a signal of trying to latch on to something a little too tightly because you sense that her feelings might not be as intense as your feelings are.
Then the worst part is that you're getting all clinical and new agey on her because you assume her inability to get really connected has to be a problem with HER. You're running some type of program on her where she always ends up being wrong for being concerned about your over involvement.
If it's not naturally happening then all the patience in the world isn't going to make her change how she actually feels. You being "patient" is pointless. What are you waiting for? Her to realize how she should act right?
You're stuck in your own head and emotions. Instead of focusing on trying to solve problems by "talking them out" focus on being interesting or funny. Anytime you go to want to talk about her problems stop yourself. Focus that energy on becoming funnier or more interesting. The rest will take care of itself if it's meant to be.
Listen to what she says and take her seriously. If she doesn't want to hang out leave her alone. Even better is to get to a point where you don't always want to hang out. Do other things in your life more often. Stop text messaging her every five seconds. You'll just burn every topic of conversation out.