[Greek Dog]

not doing well. slipping into yucky depression.
Re-reading Schwartz book - not unusual for things to get worse before they get better. That certainly has been true for me each time I work on an issue. Schwatz book tells me that each time I get bast the shutdown nd do something (most likely anything other than "avoid") that my brain is creating new circuits. Still amazingly difficult to move out of "shutdown" mode.

Schwartz' 4 steps includes "feel it and do it anyway" in a sense. That is the most difficult of all. The harsh criticism and exclusion is so loud and prominent. It creates an actual physical pain.

I totally get "feel it and do it anyway" as I have spent my entire adult life trying to escape the pain. That is exactly why I have fallen into the shutdown mode - trying to escape. So if I allow the pain to exist and find a way to function anyway that is the solution. Yet, even though i can see it so clearly, I am still struggling to do it.

I intend to summon the strength and courage to do it anyway.

today the plan is decorating for christmas and cleaning the kitchen and bedroom.

Marking the items here will help hold myself accountable.