[HeartfulColourful]

I’ve been making music for years but not seriously. I write songs sometimes and they are fine but not great. To be great, I would need to improve my skill set in various areas of music and I am greatly overwhelmed by that idea. The thought of 'working hard' exhausts me. When I hit a wall beyond my skill level, i feel frustrated and I retreat for a long time. I have not progressed in any direction over the past few years because of this.

I create ideas in my head for projects which I become attached to but don’t practically develop because I do not have the skills to do so. In the past year I have seen 3 of these ideas created in the public eye by others and it makes me feel as if i've been stabbed in the stomach because these ideas mean a lot to me. There is a lot of ego involved too. I want to 'make my mark'. I am crippled by a sense of urgency (I’m 30) with lots of ambition but no patience to work hard. I definitely have things to say but if there are lots of skilled ppl who want to say the same thing, I don’t think I have the energy to ‘compete’ with them.

I currently lack the professional standards that I should have. I’ve considered joining an online music community for regular feedback and I’m also considering getting work experience in a recording studio. There are many things I want to do (albums, films, start a band…) and I get pulled between all of them without focusing on 1, eventually achieving nothing. I know I cannot be good at all of these things but I keep fantasising and developing ideas in my head.

How can I deal with my ambition? It causes me immense anxiety and stops me enjoying music. Would you give up your creative desires? I don’t think I can go through yet another year of not achieving my goals.