Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Polyamory, Open Relationships, Swinging and Living Consciously

Wulfen · 11-15-2006, 06:52 AM

My experience is a lot like what JoaquinFox says, with the difference that I tend to bear the logistical mess, because I like variety in my romantic life.

I always tell the girls beforehand that I do not want a serious relationship and that I won't be monogamous, and that this very fact won't change. Some grasp it quickly, some others are more stubborn in trying to control me and make me monogamous with them. As a general rule, they will every now and then probe you to see if you have somehow changed your mind. The ones that like you very much will at some point give an ultimatum on monogamy or breakup.

Advantages? there are many: first, you have variety which is very good, second you are not needy because if one gf dumps you, you always have other(s), third, if you're into pickup, your skills will not rust since you will use them even while in a relationship.

I have found that polyamory the best girls are those that are very busy, for instance very focused on her career, because these girls don't have time for a normal, clingy boyfriend, the typical one who calls her everyday and stuff, but these girls every now and then want to chill out and spend an evening with an intimate partner, that's where someone likes me comes in handy...

OTOH girls that are more traditional and have a lot of free time, just want a "normal" boyfriend, marry, have kids, you know the drill. For these girls sometimes it hurts too much to see that I can't be the boyfriend they want me to be, and to think that I am with other girls can be very painful.

The problem is that they might be OK with the setup one day, and wake up the next day totally devastated because they realize they want me only for them. I don't like this and it might be the greatest downside of polyamory, so in the future I might screen only for busy girls, focused on something else, to avoid hurting them.

11-15-2006, 06:52 AM	#3 (permalink)
Wulfen Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 91	My experience is a lot like what JoaquinFox says, with the difference that I tend to bear the logistical mess, because I like variety in my romantic life. I always tell the girls beforehand that I do not want a serious relationship and that I won't be monogamous, and that this very fact won't change. Some grasp it quickly, some others are more stubborn in trying to control me and make me monogamous with them. As a general rule, they will every now and then probe you to see if you have somehow changed your mind. The ones that like you very much will at some point give an ultimatum on monogamy or breakup. Advantages? there are many: first, you have variety which is very good, second you are not needy because if one gf dumps you, you always have other(s), third, if you're into pickup, your skills will not rust since you will use them even while in a relationship. I have found that polyamory the best girls are those that are very busy, for instance very focused on her career, because these girls don't have time for a normal, clingy boyfriend, the typical one who calls her everyday and stuff, but these girls every now and then want to chill out and spend an evening with an intimate partner, that's where someone likes me comes in handy... OTOH girls that are more traditional and have a lot of free time, just want a "normal" boyfriend, marry, have kids, you know the drill. For these girls sometimes it hurts too much to see that I can't be the boyfriend they want me to be, and to think that I am with other girls can be very painful. The problem is that they might be OK with the setup one day, and wake up the next day totally devastated because they realize they want me only for them. I don't like this and it might be the greatest downside of polyamory, so in the future I might screen only for busy girls, focused on something else, to avoid hurting them. Last edited by Wulfen; 11-15-2006 at 06:55 AM.