Your efforts to change are your greatest negative behaviors. Number one, they fail, otherwise they would have worked and you wouldn't have to ask us for this kind of help.
Number two, the actual effort to change is itself keeping you from being the person you want to be. Would the person you want to be always be trying to change himself? Of course not. He would be the person he wanted to be. The greatest indicator of a person who isn't who they want to be is that they try to fix themselves. If you want to be like the person you want to be, then stop trying to fix yourself, and that's who you'll become. By definition, a person who does not need to change himself is the person he wants to be.