[Seahorse]

Danas, I had to laugh when I read this:

Although I must say, all the people I know who have done extensive long term psychotherapy are far from where they wanna be.
Still needy and single and angry and close to 50 years old (And now they are mostly no longer in my life, bc it dragged me down just to hang out with them).
They are the ones who so passionately recommend psychotherapy to me
I think psychotherapy is good for finding someone to blame. Or understanding in the mind what the source of your pain is. Which is important, but only to an extent.

That's just bollocks. It depends on what you do with each thing you learn as you progress. If I were as angry and hateful as you seem to think everybody is who considers doing therapy, then they've not gotten a good therapist or counselor. And, they also haven't learned to own their part in their life's drama.

So, this is for you to drop that prejudice, yes?

Resisting owning one's part (i.e., taking responsibility for your issues) makes it obvious that blaming someone else for their miserable life seems the 'solution'. Of course they'll get stuck in their anger but that's not a great place to be.

That's why I feel the physical part is a hugely important factor in clearing out emotional and energetic blocks. Emotions that have no outlet create passive-aggressive vortexes that, if not cared for properly, turn into a physical illness ('manifestation'), depression or other self-destructive tendencies like drug-abuse. Most people in the Western world can't face up to the power of their anger - because it is 'not cool' to be pissed. As is, beneath the anger lies pain. Pain of not having been seen, pain of being ignored, pain of having one's boundaries violated.

And speaking of which, people in the new age circles have a serious problem dealing with pain and anger full-frontal. It freaks them out because these emotions are undeniably very powerful and can be very destructive if not dealt with and channelled in a constructive, more life-affirming fashion. The very need to 'suppress' pain and anger makes it worse and fuels the self-destructive energetic vortex. Tapping into it and not shying away from it takes courage - especially as a woman.

It can be extremely self-empowering to get in touch with and let one's anger out. It's very, very liberating, provided one does not stay in that energy. But I would never have gotten rid of my fury if it wouldn't have been for the very physically daunting 'Tourist program' I did with Osho in Holland. It's not for the weak-kneed and lame ducks but it really brings stuff up that no therapy (including psychotherapy) or new age stuff ever did.

Me thinks that you must have been furious at your mother for leaving the family and house and just go after her own urges (I can hear you go - at that age: 'Selfish b*tch! How dare she?!? How can she do this to us, to me? What have I done to deserve this?!?').

So, that's just me intuiting where you come from and why there are still abandonment issues popping up when it becomes more intimate. Don't dismiss psychotherapy just because some of your former friends didn't know what to do with it. That's flippant and not respecting other people's positive results they've gained from working with good psychotherapists as well as their willingness to change.

And don't overrate new age pep-talk because it might have been what worked 'best' for you... We are all different and we change and so do our needs as we evolve. Nothing ever stays static - if it were, we'd not grow. Everything can help us if we allow for it and trust that it can bring us insights, awareness and a better self-understanding. In the end, it comes down to applying and integrating what we've learned in order for own lives to reflect that new-found knowledge.

We are our own worst enemies. There's no-one else doing it to us.

Your life seems to be swinging along nicely, so that's good. And it's good you've relaxed about this young man. You don't need the headache. Enjoy it for it was, appreciate it and whatever will happen, will happen.

Sometimes these episodes just show us that we are still 'alive' and vibrant and that there can be a bond but it doesn't mean it's a lifelong bond. It just shows you what is possible without any further 'follow-ups'.

That, too, is a great gift. Other than that, I do feel that the shamanic path might have more to offer you than you can even begin to know as yet. Artists have a natural inclination towards it because it works with your unconscious, your 'soup' of emotions and feelings and creative potential.

If you ever have seen pictures by Alex Grey, you know what mean.

Unbelievable. I love his work.

Well, danas, I think you're doing ok. You know what to do and for the rest, you'll be led to what you need to sort out when you're ready.

Good luck in your future endeavours.