@ Seahorse, I really do appreciate the time youve given to write all this.
Its helpful. Its helpful because it puts a spot light and its good to get some outside feedback.
That said, I dont agree with all you say.
I do agree I have unresolved isuues, and havent healed all my pain from that relationship that ended back in 1995.
I knew this when I met the student. I knew hes connected to that previous love, they have a similar unique look, and the other guy was also 27 when we broke up so many years ago.
I knew this and decided to take a course on this with Katherine Woodward about healing past break ups. I got an email about this course 10 days ago.
And I knew immediately that I wanna do it.
I do not think Im as needy as you may think I am. Sleeping with a guy after 8 dates isnt needy, its natural. especially if you both felt a strong bond after the first time you met and spoke about it extensively.
I just remembered two other therapies I did for a year, twice a week.
I usually try everything that people recommend and this is why Ive experienced a wide range of therapies and healing techniques. So Im just as opened to try what you recommend.
Although I must say, all the people I know who have done extensive long term psychotherapy are far from where they wanna be.
Still needy and single and angry and close to 50 years old (And now they are mostly no longer in my life, bc it dragged me down just to hang out with them).
They are the ones who so passionately recommend psychotherapy to me
I think psychotherapy is good for finding someone to blame. Or understanding in the mind what the source of your pain is. Which is important, but only to an extent.
Sure, my mom left me when I was 15 and moved to the other side of the world with another man and called once a year, usually on my birthday...
So yeah she may be to blame for my abandonment issues.
But nowadays our relationship has completely shifted after so many years of anger and pain. Now we are like best friends cracking up on the phone, staying with her long weekends, taking long walks with the dogs... sharing and accepting. Who do you think initiated this change?
Interestingly enough the 3 friends who have gone through so many years of psychotherapy all still hate their mothers.
So what you call the "new age" stuff is what really gave me the power to leave much of my victim-hood behind and fill my heart with love.
The time before last, that I saw the guy, the student, he walked me home and for 30 min kissed me goodbye downstairs in the lobby. I was ready to go up but he wanted more kissing, I think all the neighbors saw us cause it was the hour where people were coming home.
Then we didnt see each other for 2 days (after spending 3 days consecutive 10 hour days together) and then he came by briefly, on his way out of town, to give me something I forgot at his place. Thats when he was suddenly doubting the future of our relationship. He's been out of town since.
Its a problematic from the start bc we knew I would leave soon, I think thats why things were so intense and unbalanced, it was with a lingering deadline.
I feel good about it all now. I dont mind if I dont see him again, or if I do. I would love it to continue, but Im also OK if it wont.
During my last "therapy", which was Time Techniques, which was really quite helpful, We came to the conclusion that I keep saying "It wont work" about the relationships Im in, and then I just cut all contact with the guy.
Which was just what I was about to do again....
She suggested that instead I say "Its working".
And really, why should I decide now that its over? maybe it could work. Why not? It felt good and was mutual.
Until now I didnt take seriously the thought of this actually working. but as my friend yesterday told me, it might, it could...
Why do I have to end it if I dont really want that. I can keep things more open.
Not sit and wait for him, but not firmly shut that door either.
I think, if I get the chance to see him again, I will tell him that. That Im open to giving this a chance, at a slower pace. More sane pace.
Other good things happened today.
I decided I wanted to donate some money to an institution here. So I was riding my bike on my way to meet the rep, who I met previously.
Just then I got a call that the city would like to purchase my work! For 10 times the amount I was going to donate!
People sometimes PM me here asking me about manifesting money- So I will tell you, as Ive written before on these forums, If you want to manifest money, you have to give some away, simply bc when you do, your in an abundance mindset.
My friend was laughing at me yesterday because she knew I wanted to donate ( cause this rep called when she was with me), and also that finally I decided to pay the student (my guy), we were laughing that before I leave this place Im giving away all my money.
But I said that I felt so much love in this town that I wanna give some back.
And just when I did, I received more!
Also had a successful work meeting and just got an email from a magazine across the world wanting to interview me...