Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post

Seahorse · 12-18-2011, 12:03 PM

Let's keep it simple, shall we?

OK. What do you REALLY want?

Seems to me you're conflicted between wanting to be with a man and at the same time seeing yourself as an 'independent, wonderful, great person' to hang out with. I'm not saying you are not, but it doesn't 'gel'...and thus, it doesn't 'manifest' in real life for you. D'you know what I mean?

You're sending out mixed messages. You're not in line with yourself - and yes, the fact you're confused (and, dare I say so, inconsistent in your behaviour - where's your head after you've been to bed with a man? Did it get lost somewhere? I'm just asking you, you don't have to answer me - it's for you to ask yourself what you're doing. Because you have to live with the consequences of your own f-ups, if you know what I mean) shows up in your life as men that behave contradictorily.

You're creating your own headaches by not being clear with yourself. That's what's really coming over here...

So, first thing is: 'why do you do this to yourself?'

Forget about meeting that man for a moment.

Where does it come from? You have to start digging into your past - why?

We attract our parents. I'm not kidding.

When we are not aware of our own childhood issues, we repeat the patterns that we have been 'taught' as 'role models' (this is not to be taken literally, it is to merely understand that this is all you know - and because it is familiar, it feels 'good' to you, even if it hinders and damages your prospects of being happy in a relationship).

So, as an example, if your mother was constantly running after your dad (even if he was not in the house - in case the marriage broke up), you're copying your mother's way of behaving towards men.

If your father was 'weak' (i.e., he was unable to deal with a woman's natural needs and just fulfill them 'satisfactorily'), you'd have a tendency to 'fall' for men who can't give you what you need - unconsciously you repeat what you know even if it makes you unhappy. D'you understand what I'm getting at?

The irony, is that the more you want somebody, the more pressure you exert on yourself and the poor man (sorry luv' it's not meant in a negative fashion, just being real, ya know?) is doing what he can to back off and get out of the 'situation'. Yes, you were patient to wait until you got intimate with the guy, but it's after you'd been with him, that the switch 'flipped' and your brain went shopping (so-to-speak!).

So, my suggestion would be to really do some serious soul-searching (turning inward...) in to your childhood and get to grips with why you do something that doesn't seem to make any sense if, what you're saying, is true (you're a great person, you're funny, you're talented, you're smart, you're independent, you're true to yourself).

Point is, you gotta live it. No point waffling about it on a forum (not tying to be hard on you just giving you a push in the direction that actually gives you kick-start to make it real rather than just 'talk' about it).

So, there's some homework waiting for you, luv. You know where to start and you already have the answers, but you gotta be honest with yourself first. Completely straight - no more pep-talk. Just real. And bring it up to the 'light' of your conscious mind and awareness. What lies hidden in the dark needs to be brought up to the light of day so you can see why you're sabotaging yourself and you can truly start to change this. Poking around in the dark ain't gonna get you nowhere. Your whole thread is testament of this (because, let's be straight here; it's about bringing the right man into your life, the rest is just 'decoration'

).

It's not always pleasant but then again you gotta ask yourself: "Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?

Cut your losses, and get down to weeding out what doesn't help you. It's all there but you gotta work on yourself. There' no free ride to paradise, no matter what the LoA tells you. That's nonsense. The real work is inward. It's not just about putting it out there, hoping for the best but manifesting 'just so', 'luke-warm'...

I've said in another thread that I much rather prefer calling it the the Law of Resonance because you're always resonating (vibrating) at a specific frequency, emitting signals (like a radio-station), and whatever is stronger will manifest. So, in a nutshell, that's the answer to your issues with men. You're emitting mixed signals and it shows. You gotta fine-tune that frequency luv', and you'll be just fine. But you gotta work on that frequency, capice?

Good luck.

And, for God's sakes - take your time. There's no rush, you know? You have all the time in the world to find the right man. But you gotta start with yourself first.

12-18-2011, 12:03 PM	#50 (permalink)
Seahorse Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 16	Let's keep it simple, shall we? OK. What do you REALLY want? Seems to me you're conflicted between wanting to be with a man and at the same time seeing yourself as an 'independent, wonderful, great person' to hang out with. I'm not saying you are not, but it doesn't 'gel'...and thus, it doesn't 'manifest' in real life for you. D'you know what I mean? You're sending out mixed messages. You're not in line with yourself - and yes, the fact you're confused (and, dare I say so, inconsistent in your behaviour - where's your head after you've been to bed with a man? Did it get lost somewhere? I'm just asking you, you don't have to answer me - it's for you to ask yourself what you're doing. Because you have to live with the consequences of your own f-ups, if you know what I mean) shows up in your life as men that behave contradictorily. You're creating your own headaches by not being clear with yourself. That's what's really coming over here... So, first thing is: 'why do you do this to yourself?' Forget about meeting that man for a moment. Where does it come from? You have to start digging into your past - why? We attract our parents. I'm not kidding. When we are not aware of our own childhood issues, we repeat the patterns that we have been 'taught' as 'role models' (this is not to be taken literally, it is to merely understand that this is all you know - and because it is familiar, it feels 'good' to you, even if it hinders and damages your prospects of being happy in a relationship). So, as an example, if your mother was constantly running after your dad (even if he was not in the house - in case the marriage broke up), you're copying your mother's way of behaving towards men. If your father was 'weak' (i.e., he was unable to deal with a woman's natural needs and just fulfill them 'satisfactorily'), you'd have a tendency to 'fall' for men who can't give you what you need - unconsciously you repeat what you know even if it makes you unhappy. D'you understand what I'm getting at? The irony, is that the more you want somebody, the more pressure you exert on yourself and the poor man (sorry luv' it's not meant in a negative fashion, just being real, ya know?) is doing what he can to back off and get out of the 'situation'. Yes, you were patient to wait until you got intimate with the guy, but it's after you'd been with him, that the switch 'flipped' and your brain went shopping (so-to-speak!). So, my suggestion would be to really do some serious soul-searching (turning inward...) in to your childhood and get to grips with why you do something that doesn't seem to make any sense if, what you're saying, is true (you're a great person, you're funny, you're talented, you're smart, you're independent, you're true to yourself). Point is, you gotta live it. No point waffling about it on a forum (not tying to be hard on you just giving you a push in the direction that actually gives you kick-start to make it real rather than just 'talk' about it). So, there's some homework waiting for you, luv. You know where to start and you already have the answers, but you gotta be honest with yourself first. Completely straight - no more pep-talk. Just real. And bring it up to the 'light' of your conscious mind and awareness. What lies hidden in the dark needs to be brought up to the light of day so you can see why you're sabotaging yourself and you can truly start to change this. Poking around in the dark ain't gonna get you nowhere. Your whole thread is testament of this (because, let's be straight here; it's about bringing the right man into your life, the rest is just 'decoration'). It's not always pleasant but then again you gotta ask yourself: "Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? Cut your losses, and get down to weeding out what doesn't help you. It's all there but you gotta work on yourself. There' no free ride to paradise, no matter what the LoA tells you. That's nonsense. The real work is inward. It's not just about putting it out there, hoping for the best but manifesting 'just so', 'luke-warm'... I've said in another thread that I much rather prefer calling it the the Law of Resonance because you're always resonating (vibrating) at a specific frequency, emitting signals (like a radio-station), and whatever is stronger will manifest. So, in a nutshell, that's the answer to your issues with men. You're emitting mixed signals and it shows. You gotta fine-tune that frequency luv', and you'll be just fine. But you gotta work on that frequency, capice? Good luck. And, for God's sakes - take your time. There's no rush, you know? You have all the time in the world to find the right man. But you gotta start with yourself first. Last edited by Seahorse; 12-18-2011 at 12:06 PM.