Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post

Seahorse · 12-17-2011, 05:50 PM

Hi Danas,
I haven't read every single one of your posts (um, to be honest it's bit too much information for my liking but that's just me).

Reading through most of your posts though, two things really jump out at me in terms of vibe that's coming off the page.

1. Intense
2. Desperate and trying too hard to force things

Yes, I hear you probably saying; 'but no I'm not - I'm really sooo much more relaxed than I used to be....'

But it doesn't strike me as relaxed, just somebody who's hungry... Big time... So anything that looks halfway 'according to your idea' what seems like a good catch, "bang!" you're zooming in on the bloke and no surprise they may like the heat first but shy away from it in the long run.

Oops.

Yes, you're leaving, but as somebody else here already mentioned, you'll still be shlepping yourself about. The invisible chains that keep you locked up in yourself are for you to break through - there's no man who can do it for you. That's your job. You've got to own what you don't like about your psychological make-up that makes you act 'OTT' instead of trying to blame yourself. Because that's the "poor me, pity myself" mode (not necessarily victim - it's but a way to get attention, too...) but it doesn't require you to truly get 'hard-as-nails' to the nitty gritty as to why things never seem to work out as you'd like them to... Self-delusion is extremely difficult to detect but that seeps through as well in your account with that young man...(that student).

You can't change what you do not want to acknowledge as being part of who you are. You can only change what you see as being 'as is'.

No beating around your own bush so-to-speak if you get my drift... Lying to ourselves is a way to protect us from having to face the music of where we really in our process. It's a constant work-in-progress as I like to call it. But you gotta get real with yourself first.

That's the bottom line. No more messing about and wasting time 'pining' for 'the one'. Get down to business and sort yourself out for real. You have to give yourself what you need. Be your own best friend, you know?

Relax. Get your mind off men - period. Not even celibacy, just drop the ball for the moment. And for God's sakes, take some time off yourself... (!), or in other words: Take the pressure off yourself in terms of expectations, wants and needs. Especially needs...with men... give yourself space to breathe. It comes off pretty obvious to me.

You're still needy even if you claim otherwise. At least that's what it strikes me as, reading your posts... I'm not trying to discourage you, but I feel it's important you take stock of where you really are vs where you think you are.

Get to really like yourself and be content and at peace with being on your own. Anything else is going to set you up for more heartache and heartbreak.

Jumping too soon into the sack with a man (I'm female) is a sign of neediness, even if your "mind" 'tells' you differently... Remember, the mind is the biggest con-artist in the book and can come with all kinds of rationalisations and explanations as to what you don't want to see is happening - but you don't quite seem to 'get' what it is you're doing uh...not quite right.

The mind can fool us into anything we would like to believe, including that we're farther down the line of self-awareness than we really are... As long as your mind is way 'over there' but your real self is trailing behind (metaphorically speaking), the gap is obvious and it shows up as so-called 'failures' (don't take that word literally, will ya? It's a 'relative' word.).

Yes, it's over but you're only just starting. With yourself. So, if I were you, I'd use this period to come clean with your own BS (I'm not kidding) about what a relationship means to you.

First question:

What's your relationship with yourself?

When you respect yourself, you will attract totally different people into your life. The boundaries then come naturally as a consequence of your own sense of Self-worth not artificially created boundaries by the 'mind' yet not consistently followed by the heart. Do you see the difference?

So, your self-respect has to be sound, unshakeable and then you don't have to make it an issue on a forum. It's obvious to people who read what you write. D'you know what I mean?

We all got our work cut for us. And we gotta start where we find ourselves. That's all you can do but it's more than most people out there ever get around to, so it's all good. It's all part of the process of becoming fully self-realised, multi-dimensional Beings.

When you don't care whether a man is in your life or not, it's a great place to be, because either way, you're in a good place. And that's as good a place as any to attract somebody that is up to your scratch and a good match.

Bueno?

12-17-2011, 05:50 PM	#47 (permalink)
Seahorse Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 16	Relaaaaaxxx.... Hi Danas, I haven't read every single one of your posts (um, to be honest it's bit too much information for my liking but that's just me). Reading through most of your posts though, two things really jump out at me in terms of vibe that's coming off the page. 1. Intense 2. Desperate and trying too hard to force things Yes, I hear you probably saying; 'but no I'm not - I'm really sooo much more relaxed than I used to be....' But it doesn't strike me as relaxed, just somebody who's hungry... Big time... So anything that looks halfway 'according to your idea' what seems like a good catch, "bang!" you're zooming in on the bloke and no surprise they may like the heat first but shy away from it in the long run. Oops. Yes, you're leaving, but as somebody else here already mentioned, you'll still be shlepping yourself about. The invisible chains that keep you locked up in yourself are for you to break through - there's no man who can do it for you. That's your job. You've got to own what you don't like about your psychological make-up that makes you act 'OTT' instead of trying to blame yourself. Because that's the "poor me, pity myself" mode (not necessarily victim - it's but a way to get attention, too...) but it doesn't require you to truly get 'hard-as-nails' to the nitty gritty as to why things never seem to work out as you'd like them to... Self-delusion is extremely difficult to detect but that seeps through as well in your account with that young man...(that student). You can't change what you do not want to acknowledge as being part of who you are. You can only change what you see as being 'as is'. No beating around your own bush so-to-speak if you get my drift... Lying to ourselves is a way to protect us from having to face the music of where we really in our process. It's a constant work-in-progress as I like to call it. But you gotta get real with yourself first. That's the bottom line. No more messing about and wasting time 'pining' for 'the one'. Get down to business and sort yourself out for real. You have to give yourself what you need. Be your own best friend, you know? Relax. Get your mind off men - period. Not even celibacy, just drop the ball for the moment. And for God's sakes, take some time off yourself... (!), or in other words: Take the pressure off yourself in terms of expectations, wants and needs. Especially needs...with men... give yourself space to breathe. It comes off pretty obvious to me. You're still needy even if you claim otherwise. At least that's what it strikes me as, reading your posts... I'm not trying to discourage you, but I feel it's important you take stock of where you really are vs where you think you are. Get to really like yourself and be content and at peace with being on your own. Anything else is going to set you up for more heartache and heartbreak. Jumping too soon into the sack with a man (I'm female) is a sign of neediness, even if your "mind" 'tells' you differently... Remember, the mind is the biggest con-artist in the book and can come with all kinds of rationalisations and explanations as to what you don't want to see is happening - but you don't quite seem to 'get' what it is you're doing uh...not quite right. The mind can fool us into anything we would like to believe, including that we're farther down the line of self-awareness than we really are... As long as your mind is way 'over there' but your real self is trailing behind (metaphorically speaking), the gap is obvious and it shows up as so-called 'failures' (don't take that word literally, will ya? It's a 'relative' word.). Yes, it's over but you're only just starting. With yourself. So, if I were you, I'd use this period to come clean with your own BS (I'm not kidding) about what a relationship means to you. First question: What's your relationship with yourself? When you respect yourself, you will attract totally different people into your life. The boundaries then come naturally as a consequence of your own sense of Self-worth not artificially created boundaries by the 'mind' yet not consistently followed by the heart. Do you see the difference? So, your self-respect has to be sound, unshakeable and then you don't have to make it an issue on a forum. It's obvious to people who read what you write. D'you know what I mean? We all got our work cut for us. And we gotta start where we find ourselves. That's all you can do but it's more than most people out there ever get around to, so it's all good. It's all part of the process of becoming fully self-realised, multi-dimensional Beings. When you don't care whether a man is in your life or not, it's a great place to be, because either way, you're in a good place. And that's as good a place as any to attract somebody that is up to your scratch and a good match. Bueno? Last edited by Seahorse; 12-17-2011 at 05:53 PM.