I like a lot of this advice. It stood out to me that it is important to focus on forming friendships with women first and foremost and feeling comfortable.
Then again, I opened this thread because the word celibate sparked me.
I have been voluntarily practicing celibacy for the past 3, almost 4, years after I realized that I had been harming myself with the sexual choices that I had been making (and yes, they happened mainly in college, and I remember the onslaught of booze, drugs, and warped ideas about sex all assaulting my naive 18-year-old self as soon as I set foot on campus).
I have benefitted greatly from NOT having sex, even though at times it can feel odd because it is not mainstream. But that choice let me learn more about myself, uncover the reasons I chose unhealthy connections and heal those aspects, and grow spiritually, find confidence, and feel more balanced. I have experienced many powerful things because of this choice, though it has not always been easy or seemed fun. I know in my heart, however, that it is wisdom for me to follow this path until I meet the right partner.
And since I have not been as driven by my sexuality, I've had time to look deeply and discern what I want in that right partner and what I expect from a sexual encounter. It turns out I want deep connection, friendship, potential family, integrity, spiritual power, true love, compatibility, support, dependability, freedom, playfulness, and more....
None of which I could find after one drunken night at a club, but which could develop over the course of a solid friendship. And when it happens, I absolutely know it will be well worth the wait and be truly meaningful.
Of course, you may want something completely different, and that is great. I feel it is all about discovering what brings you joy and what your heart truly desires from the beautiful opportunity that sex offers to us.
I do work a lot with yoga and meditation type things, so I am also interested in the energetic aspects of our sexuality. Many yogis transform their sexual energy to reach deeper states of awareness and internal bliss. The truth is that the external sexual partner is a representation of the divine union that can occur within each of us. So, we can experience ourselves and the world, wherever we are, as orgasmic bliss, even with no partner in sight. And sex with a partner can go beyond procreation and reach a space of intimacy and soul-level passion.
But of course, there are great gifts in touching, stroking, and sharing intimate space with another person who you care deeply about, too.
Still, I practice discerenment because I have uncovered more information about how powerful our sexual energy truly is, and the kind of energetic connections we form when we have sex with others. The advice that resonates with me is to make sure that you want to truly imbibe the essence of all the other person is before you have sex, because that is what happens as your energy fields merge. This is one reason it is so painful when we part from past lovers, because we have become deeply integrated through our connection. I have even experienced this when making out with someone -- I felt drunk and hungover afterwards, even though I had not been drinking... Turns out he had, and I'd taken it on during that energetic exchange!
So, a slightly different perspective -- thanks for the opportunity for me to review that part of my path!
Jessica