Hey There Derek..
It's an awful lot of pressure you're placing on yourself. Based on what you wrote, there is nothing 'wrong' with you.
I think the problem lies in the strategy.. It seems you're putting too much focus on the typical way or the 'right way' to meet and interact with women. It's not about dancing nor partying nor joining a frat, but rather focus on Connecting with women.
That's right.. connect with them. I'm assuming you're still in a college setting which is perfect to meet all types of women. Here are some suggestions to build a connection:
- Start conversing with women without the intent of trying to date them, it'll take the pressure off of getting a certain result
- In conversation, try your best to understand the women you talk to.. don't prepare anything to say.. just listen to the things she says and build on the conversation from there
- What activities or areas are you passionate about.. I'm sure there are ton of clubs or organizations you can join that are more aligned with what you are interested in.. rather than trying to force yourself into situations that are putting pressure on you..
- Accept yourself and where you are at.. be fully comfortable for who you are.. and let curiosity guide you. Meaning if you know of a guy or someone perhaps in your frat who is very comfortable with women.. simply ask him how he got to be that way.. I'm sure he's faced his own issues with interacting with women.. and somehow got better at it..
- I know this is easier said than done.. but just start to feel confident.. if you don't feel good about your physical attributes, then spend some time going to the gym (which is probably free as a student on campus).. I know that certainly helped to boost my own confidence and belief in myself
- Lastly, understand that you have the power to be an amazing person with women. At the end of the day Women are really looking for genuine guys who embrace their masculinity and can connect with them... You can do this.. just have for yourself milestones each day.. Day one (Have a 10 sec conversation with a woman), Day two (30 sec) Day three (have her share something she's passionate about)..etc.. keep working at it.. bit by bit
I really hope these help.. be patient and focus on connecting rather than achieving any particular result.. and you'll find yourself shift into the person you'd like to be.. :-)