Your life isn't so bad.
I've seen worse, many times. Where? Well, I used to work in the criminal legal system. I would get all these police files. All kinds of criminals and accused persons.
Some of them - not all - come from very sorry backgrounds. I see the probation reports, the psychologist reports, the police statements, the case history, the occasional letter of plea from their ex-school principal or counselor, stuff like that. So I know the background.
Your life is difficult. But it doesn't strike me as overwhelmingly difficult. It really doesn't. Many people have come back from worse, and built a better life for themselves.
You can too. It won't happen overnight. But it can happen.
Funny thing about being all alone in the world is that it gives you a kind of freedom too. Strange, isn't it. Of course, overall, in general, I think it's better to have family and friends. But still, not having a family comes with certain advantages. You don't have the burden of having to provide for kids, or live up to Daddy's expectations, or be restrained by other family members' opinions as to anything you want to do.
I knew an ex-janitor. Today he runs a building management company. He employs many workers and they provide cleaning, maintenance, security and gardening/landscaping services at various commercial buildings and condominiums (including the one where I used to live). He doesn't look poor to me.