Ditto. Childhood traumas etc. But I heard a statistic that sited about 65% of families are dysfunctional in some way.
Sooner or later we all take stock and move on from the point where we find ourselves. There could be any number of ways for you to go for help. As Luci said counselling is a great start as you get to divest yourself of what lies inside. Meditation, self inquiry even basics like exercise will stimulate change. The trick is to do something.
I don't think it is a matter of courage that you haven't whacked yourself.... heck look at what you've come through .... that takes real guts.
It is that your time is still here.... in this body. So now you have some more work to do ... dig deep and you will find your second wind. Good luck.