[KMDES]

I like to think of myself of someone who is a person of honesty, integrity and compassion. I always believed I should uphold my beliefs and be unwavering in being the best I can be and doing what good I can.

The issue is I just got an e-mail stating that I need to stop doing that.

I guess a little explanation about myself would help people understand this post better. I'm a 25 year old male. Recently I found out I was going to be a father.

I've always had problems with places I've worked at. I've always believed lying to a customer is wrong, selling them products that they don't need or wouldn't want is wrong, or in general ripping them off is wrong. Every place I work at pushes their own agenda on me to go against my beliefs or be fired. This time it's refusing to sell unneeded/useless extended warranties, junk products and obscenely high interest rate credit cards with absolutely unfair fine print to customers looking for quality products. I've been fired quite a few times for such things. Now this wouldn't be such a horrible thing, but now that I have a family to look after and a huge pile of debt looming over us.

Now the question is should I forgo being compassionate, honest and my integrity in order to provide for myself and my family? At this point in time, I can't do both. I don't want to end up being like my parents who let me lead a sub-par childhood because they were more focused on themselves instead of doing what was best for me.

I don't really see anybody or anything missing my good attributes. It feels as if I have an infinite well of bad karma that for every good thing I do, or good thing that happens to me, something equally bad or worse happens to me in exchange.

The scary part of all this is I was more or less born with the innate ability to manipulate/intimidate that I can get very far ahead in just about anything that I could do. I just more or less never used this 'ability' as I believed I would be a despicable scoundrel to do such a thing.

So I guess the really question is should I live with myself if I become a dirty lying scumbag to provide for myself and my family? Should I get ahead so I can do more for my family and people? Is it better to be evil now so I can be a better asset to my family and society in the future?