Currently, it seems like sports is the best way to keep ADHD in check, so I am training very often and it does really help.
It's indeed true that I am always chasing a goal and yet I am afraid of achieving it and of not achieving it all at once. This fear is incredibly disempowering and I guess this is exactly what is holding me back.
I thought about this situation quite a while, tried to figure what goal I am actually chasing (as I have too many goals in my head) and found out why I am afraid:
What I really want to do is going into investment banking (trading, not M&A!). Currently, however, this is a socially rather unacceptable job and I am feeling the social preassure from that. Moreover, most invetment banks are hiring very modestly these days, so that it is harder to really get in. The field is therefore incredibly competitive and I am afraid of failing. Therefore, I am always looking for alternatives that are easier to achieve (like software development to integrate business processes in ERP systems or the like) and this keeps me from dedicating my efforts totally to my main goal. Every not-A and every minor failure is reenforcing this limiting believe and this is how I ended up like this. It also gives me the notion that I would be better of failing because I'd at least have security then and could start from scratch.
However, this behaviour is highly irrational and considering my current situation I don't really have to worry much about not getting into IB. Probably I don't get a top job in trading right after graduation (no one actually does), but there are numerous analyst positions that look like a lot of fun to me. Moreover, even if I fail, I can still expect an interesting life, so I shouldn't be afraid - and of course, there's always a second chance.
Keeping these facts in mind helps me to relieve a lot of tension and like this I managed to be very productive again in the past few hours while feeling awake and non-zombie-like. However, I need to prevent falling back into old thought patterns somehow... any tips?