Originally Posted by Ronnie Brown
I'm just going to be blunt and straight with you. The journey of personal growth is never-ending, and oftentimes, it is up-and-down, back-and-forth, and downright frustrating. You will frequently find yourself having good phases and bad phases; times when you feel worthy, confident, and optimistic, then phases when you feel useless, hopeless, and purely skeptical. You should expect your feelings to ebb and flow with seasons and experiences of life, until you learn to direct them yourself, a skill of wisdom, which generally takes years to develop.
I've been on the journey for conscious spiritual and personal growth for over 13 years and it gets easier as time goes on, so long as you choose to look for the lesson in everything. Note, I said it gets easier, but it never ends. There is always something learn and improve upon.
Just know that your feelings don't create your reality. You do. Your perceptions and evaluations of the world around you, and the subsequent beliefs you develop as a result of those perceptions, create your reality.
What exactly are you seeing and experiencing that seem to confirm negative thoughts, beliefs, and feelings about yourself?
Do you truly believe - from a rational, practical standpoint - that you can't change anything or will never become who you want? Do you honestly believe that you - as the individual you are - do not possess the same potential to change in any substantial way that anyone else possesses? Do you ever have times or phases in your life when you feel the change you desire is at least possible, the slightest bit of optimism or hope?
Generally when people feel hopeless, it's because they need someone to stand up and recognize their potential and capacity to grow and change. Unfortunate as it is, many people have grown up with insufficient love and truth in their lives.
Sometimes we need others to see our self-worth and unique value, and show it to us - by holding a mirror up to our face - before we can finally accept it ourselves.
After all, it can be difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel when our eyes are closed.
Don't give up on yourself. Doesn't matter how hopeless thing feel or seem. Don't base your conclusions about the worth you possess or the value of your life on the way you feel or on how things seem. Base it on what your heart tells you and seek encouragement from others who may have perspectives on your worth and value you don't clearly perceive yourself. This is why we need one another - not a single one of us possesses all we need to fully understand and comprehend this human experience we call life!
People tend to confirm these beliefs I have of myself and actually I honestly believe these beliefs stem from what I've been told about myself all my life, after a while I began to believe them, then eventually I became that person. I am so afraid of rejection, of not being good enough or lovable enough. I do not see anything good about myself. I sadly cannot think of one thing I do well. The only positive things I ever hear people tell me is that I am pretty. But I want to be more than pretty. I am always the person people make fun of, the woman with the eccentric personality.
There are times were I feel like change is possible. I dream of it every day, to be that confident woman that has friends. But then I am faced with the fears, sadness, and the voices saying change will never happen. I pray and hope that one day I will find reasons to love myself.
Sorry, I hope I donít sound redundant and whinny. I don't feel sorry for myself and I am not throwing a pity party, I just really want to know how to change, but as you said, I guess it is a process.
Thank you for taking the time out to respond, it means a lot. People like you give me hope and encouragement to continue to fight even when I feel like throwing in the towel. You're right there is light at the end of the tunnel, I may not see it but I guess it is there.
Thank you so much!