Society has put pressure on everyone to meet a physical beauty standard, which is sad and pathetic. Instead of focusing on health (so many models are NOT healthy), they instead make us feel like we can never be thin enough, can never have the right cheekbones, can never have the chiseled look or perfect hair or brilliant white teeth. Truly a travesty. People are out there with bulimia, trying to be thin - or over-whitening their teeth until they're impossibly fake looking - or having a plastic surgeon put in fake breasts or give them a new nose - all to try to fit a social belief that attractiveness is more important than anything else.
When I was younger I fed into this. I was never classically attractive, and it bothered me considerably. I found myself trying too hard to be attractive, and feeling hurt when others who were more naturally pretty would get attention when I didn't. It was impossible to build up my confidence and personality when I felt so inadequate.
And then I grew up. I evolved beyond the need to be classically beautiful and physically perfect (an impossibility for me). I capitalized on my intelligence, my innate talents, my compassion and my sense of humor. I came to people's notice not because I had the right nose or the perfect shape, but because I was witty, funny, smart, and talented. As my confidence grew, I found myself happier and more out-going, which gave me the opportunity to meet more people who found me interesting and fun to be with. I started being active in the community in different capacities, working with people and continuing to evolve.
I can remember a time when I realized how other people were now seeing me. I was dating a guy and he had mentioned to someone that we were dating. The person he was talking to knew me somewhat, and knew what I did in the community. This person told the guy I was dating that HE must be pretty important to be able to date ME. When I was told that, it made me feel pretty darn good. I still wasn't that physically attractive (I've always been plump and average looking) but my inner beauty had evolved so wonderfully because I realized that WHO I was mattered more than what I looked like.
I've never dated someone based primarily on their physical attraction. If a guy isn't intelligent, warm, with a good sense of humor and a ready laugh, then he could be the most physically desirable man in the world and I wouldn't give him a second look. But give me teddy bear of a guy with the right mental and emotional characteristics and I'm there! *L*
For those who are still wrapped up in physical attraction, please consider that those who are attractive have often done nothing to deserve it. I have found, overall, that those driven by their own level of attraction are often those the farthest behind in the development of their emotional and intellectual self. In simplistic terms, if you depend on your looks to get you what you want, you'll never grow. And if you choose your mate just because of their looks, you'll be very disappointed (well, unless you're both so shallow that nothing else matters .. *L*).
And consider that those who are not that physically attractive have usually not done anything to cause it. Until you know that person's life, you don't know why they have bad teeth or are overweight or have a crooked nose or warts or whatever. There are circumstances beyond people's control. Give them the benefit of the doubt and treat them kindly.
Melanie
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