I think beauty is very important. Sadly though, it's something I've never had, and never will. I beat myself up (not physically, lol - mentaly) on a daily basis because I'm not pretty, and I compare myself to other women, every day and wish I was pretty like them. I hate it. I'm a very insecure person. I'm very jealous of my best friend. Guys hit on her everywhere she go's. We'll wear matchng outfits and she'll get all the compliments and nobody says a word to me. Anyway, I try to look the best I can, and work with what I have, which is not much. I refuse to go out of the house if I haven't taken a shower, gotten dressed, and done my hair. Everything I wear must match, from head to toe. I don't care if my bra and underwear don't match, cuz nobody see's them, lol. But shoes, earings hair peices, stuff like that, must all match. Sometimes if I'm in a rush, I don't have enough time to get ready and do all that stuff, and it will make me feel soooo ugly! For example. If I'm dressed in pink, from head to toe, but can't find my pink sneakers and I gotta run out the door, and get stuck putting on blue and white sneakers.....that will totaly ruin my day and make me feel so inadequate and unattractive. I'll be self conscious about it all day and think people are gonna make fun of me cuz my shoes don't match. I worry all day about it. When I go out with my friends, I compare my outfits to what they're wearing and they almost always look better than me. So that will put a damper on my mood right away. I'll dwell on it all day and feel like crap. However, I don't judge anyone by their looks. I chose my friends cuz I like them as a person and cuz they'er supportive and fun to be with. They have great personalties and they make me happy. However, I couldn't be friends with someone that was really pretty, like a supermodel kind of pretty. That would no twork, cuz she would just be a constant reminder of how unattractive I am. My self esteem is at an all time low and I don't need that to make it even worse. So yeah, to me, looks are very important in myself. In my friends and family, no. I like them for who they are, not what they look like.
|