I feel like there's somewhat of a polarity happening in my life right now. In one area, everything is going great, which I'll talk about in a moment. In the other area, I'm really struggling and there's a lot of frustration.
As far as what's going great: I got the idea of starting a show at Blog Talk Radio. So now I have Christ's Light Radio
, and have done two episodes already. It's been really enjoyable so far, and I've felt really inspired when doing the shows.
True to hoʻoponopono, I didn't even make an outline with either of these shows. I simply started speaking, and both times it worked out great. Both times, I was surprised and disappointed when the time was over. Even with the latest show, which was a full 90 minutes, I felt like there wasn't enough time to discuss everything I wanted to discuss. Beforehand, however, I was afraid of not having enough
Also, someone called our prayer line today, so I got to help them in the best way I could, though it was a little frustrating since I didn't feel like I made much progress with them. However, I did what I could, so I guess that's all that matters.
Now in the area where I'm struggling. I'm struggling to finish out the semester strongly. I've been severely uninspired in my classes, especially this semester, and accordingly my quality of work has dropped. I don't mind terribly because so many great things are happening in other areas, but I'd of course prefer that it were going much better.
A lot of it I think is that I hate the structure of the philosophy program here. It is all lecture more or less, and there's little to no questioning of the norm. Professors give their opinions on topics in philosophy, without so much as giving an argument of why they believe that. People who believe otherwise are mocked. What's expected in most classes is simply to learn the information and summarize it on a test or even in a paper. Sometimes we can do some arguing in a paper, but that's not very common.
If you take chemistry, you learn the theories, but you also get into the lab and test it out for yourself hands-on. That's how it should be in philosophy. However, I feel like we are mostly just learning the theory, and there's rarely an opportunity to actually challenge it. There's not even the encouragement to challenge it; whatever agrees with the popular view doesn't need to be argued for, because it is taken for granted to be true. What good would a chemist be if they only learned the theory and never actually got into the lab?
So that's been leaving me feeling frustrated, admittedly, and something I've been trying to clean on.
Next semester should be better as I have my thesis, where I can hopefully have a lot more free rein with what I want to do, but right now I'm trying to pass everything sufficiently so that I can still graduate next semester.
The other area of struggle is still with the health insurance, but it is starting to be resolved. I'm sure that it will be within the next week. However, I missed some days of classes because I was on the phone being bounced back and forth between insurance and the SSA.
Money is also a struggle, but one that I'm not thinking of very much right now with everything else going on.
I still maintain my trust that everything will work out perfectly as it always does, but right now I'm not seeing it. But that's how it always is; you never see it until it does work out. That trust is giving me enough peace to keep on going.
For anyone thinking about starting the practice of hoʻoponopono, it is
a miraculous process. But with any healing practice, things are occasionally going to be turned on their head before something much greater arises from the ashes. I know that thing will come soon, but I am hoping that there's not too much more pain before then. But meanwhile, I trust.