Before the "blah" starts flowing from my fingertips, let me say thank you. I mean that.
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Originally Posted by Angela  To get to the gremlin, take what you've already distinguished (like, "Whatever I say I can do, or will do, or have to do, doesn't work out. Something happens to make things not work out") and add, "...and that means that I am ____." Ask your unconscious mind, not your conscious, grown-up, figured it all out mind. Speculate until you get that ton of bricks effect. |
Do you mean (for example, just throwing this out) something like: "Whatever I say I can do, or will do, or have to do, doesn't work out. Something happens to make things not work out" and add, "...and that means that I am a moron"? (Not that this is what I actually think, but as an example.) I know what you mean about a "ton of bricks effect" -- I had one particularly bad one (when I took out student loans when I didn't want to, I had that feeling very strongly plus the thought "I'll never be able to pay this off." And so far, I haven't) several years ago. Been trying to repair that thought ever since.
Just as an aside -- I'm self-employed -- another way this has been manifesting is over the past few months, every time I figure out a way to pay back my debt without killing myself with overwork, my clients cut the workload they have for me. Like, within a day or so, literally within 1 to 2 days. And they cut it for all their contractors, so I'm having a huge effect here.
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Originally Posted by Angela Another way to approach it is to look at what you habitually think when you're stressed out: What words go through your mind? Notice that they tend to occur like a judgement of yourself, and/or an action you order yourself to take. (A huge one for me was: "I'm trapped - get the hell out" - that would show up in pretty much every area where I wasn't being effective or feeling like I was getting the results I consciously wanted.) |
"Dammit, not again!"
"I'm doomed."
"That's it. I'm really wondering now if that's it and I'll be evicted."
(Another one isn't really a thought but a feeling--the scorn from my family and the feeling they think I'm an idiot who should just go back to being a secretary. Did I mention that when I do get a "regular" job, my health deteriorates rapidly, and I start getting repeatedly sick?)