| | I know I have a limiting belief, but WHAT is it????
<Roaring in frustration>
I've had it with an elusive internal belief! Here's what the belief has resulted in so far in my life: Whatever I say I can do, or will do, or have to do, doesn't work out. Something happens to make things not work out. Latest example: I thought I could earn a few extra $$ a day (not much, like $5 or so) writing short blurbs for an online site. I've been doing this for the past few days, and I know more than a few people who've done it for months. The site usually has lots of work.
I had been worried about how I was going to earn money (some clients no longer having as much work for me) and another person mentioned how much she had just earned at this site this morning. So I sent a note to her, thanking her because her news had calmed me down. I went to the site.
The blurbs are gone. Done. The only work left is something that doesn't pay nearly as much and will require several hours to reach $5.
I used to think things like this were signs from the universe that, oh, I shouldn't be doing that. But it's happening with EVERYTHING. Yes, I'm shouting! I'm frustrated! It's been going on for 41 years, dammit, and becoming more frequent every year!
I tried thinking, well, the belief must be something like, "Nothing ever works out for me." Or, "Nothing ever works out for me the way I want it to." Someting like that. But I can't find a reverse belief that hits the spot, rings the bell. "Everything works out the way I want it to" is actually dangerous, because if my subconscious wants me to fail, then it might substitute its own wants in that affirmation instead of my conscious desire to succeed.
I've tried afformations, affirmations, negative affirmations, keeping silent, telling the universe, relaxing, concentrating, being happy, being detached, and everything else I can think of, and I'm at my wit's end! If other people can succeed and be rich and all that, so can I.
But it's that thought. That kingpin, as Florence Scovel Shinn calls it, that's jamming up everything. The only times when I've seen something miraculous come through are when I've come to the end of it and start wondering if I should just be a failure and that's all. I shouldn't have to bring myself to the brink of complete despair in order to let go and have something manifest. I've been trying to locate this damn thought for 4 years now (2008, 2009, 2010, 2011).