Drop the negative every time you notice it until it is not a habit anymore. Lack of confidence is just a habit of thinking and feeling a certain way. It will come up tens of times per day and you drop it tens of times per day. You will notice results after 3, 4 days and if you keep up... Also, take note that dropping has nothing to do with fighting against something. It is not a fight it is just a form of not doing something so it's actually a lack of effort. The real effort is to become conscious in those moments when the habit pushes your buttons. The rest is "laziness", not doing, ignoring, losing sight of, letting go.
The feeling thing is actually pretty hard to understand, before you understand it. After you get it, you just know it. You can't explain it very well but you just know it. You're in struggle mode now, I am tired but even if I wasn't I don't know if I could think of something that could help you while you're there. Drop the struggle too. You won't lose anything.
Debo, force means "it is not so, I have to make it so". It is a form of reinforcing the problem or lack and then also trying to solve or fill the lack. It's like pushing your car up a hill. It can be done but it's an unnecessary effort. The car is OK, you have gas, just get in and drive.
I'm having a lot of interesting fun lately with some mini-experiments done on the field. Works every time when I'm aware of the dreamworld. I also found a new way to become aware of the dreamworld. I was walking outside and some people were in front of me. I noticed how the "life camera" is filming my life, not theirs. I don't quite know how to explain it but it was intense. Made me realize that no matter what happens in life, everything is being watched LIVE by Awareness, through you and You alone! (now watch out for what you might interpret as contradiction, coming up) It makes you feel both important and humble. You're constantly the main character in your life, creating and watching your story as it goes. And God is interested enough to watch only through You. But it's still true for others. Nobody is more or less important. The Universe is centered around each of us. At some point, I felt (and "saw" through it) how Awareness started to rise and watch life from above myself and I was no longer the main character anymore, but I liked it. Then I felt how Awareness started to move around and film life through one person in front of me, then moved to the next, then to another person, then it came back to me, everything done with very smooth movements, professionally and artistically. No words could describe the beauty and clarity of it all. In just a few smooth movements, Awareness told me a complex story in the simplest way possible. The desire I had a few days ago to realize that Consciousness is not fixed in your head or eyes or self was manifested and I thank Awareness for that.
A lot is going on in my life at the moment. Huge shifts, huge resistance using all its weapons (doubt, fear, panic, sickness) and beauty slowly coming out of chaos. I forgot how nice it is to be so uncertain but still trust in life, feel fear and go through it, not knowing what tomorrow will bring and not caring, meeting so many people, so fast that you can't recall their names, things changing so fast you're not able to keep up. I am scared and confused but I LOOOOOVE IT! Life has a nice way to make things seem chaotic, scary, uncertain, impossible and then reward you if you have the courage to keep going in your direction no matter what monsters you see. Behind chaos is order, behind impossible is possible. Change is scary. When you change inside, the outside world changes too and you don't recognize things anymore, you become scared of so much shift and unknown. I always knew that there's something missing from the puzzle when people say that courage is needed. When something inside you changes, courage just comes natural and grows and grows. And that inside shift is essentially a strong decision, an "I'll DO IT! I am doing it, no matter what!". The way things are going is no longer so important. Things seem to not work, problems seem to keep popping up but it isn't important because your purpose is GOING FORWARD and you can do that no matter what. It's just about going forward now. Watch out for the monsters! and go EXACTLY IN THAT DIRECTION
And here I am, saying this now and some other day I'll tell you about how easy and natural it is and all things move along with you and you will interpret it as contradiction. "Is it hard, is it easy? I don't get it anymore!". It's everything... It's life, it's an adventure! When you stop walking, you stop living, even though your vital functions say otherwise. It's so simple. And you know it, you feel it if you're not walking. You feel the lack of life. You want to live. You were born to live! Go WALK! Life is walking. The rest is less important than the walking itself. Results? Positive and negative? Problems or solutions? Stability? You really believe that these are the most important? You know deep inside that positive becomes neutral or negative, results don't matter a few days after you get them, solutions are never final and stability becomes boring waiting for you to die. You want to live, you want to walk! What else is there to do?