| | My fight to become normal and happy
Hey everyone I'm Kyle, new to this site. But it has been very helpful recently.
I am a unique person, I always asked questions mentally, very curious. For example as a kid I would look out the window and wonder why bridges looked different, or try to recreate buildings out of blocks, or draw them accurately. I am also musically inclined, I play drums, guitar, sing and can edit stuff together. However my whole life I was a shy person, and always wanted attention. I would cry a lot as a kid and through out middle school and highschool. And I always wondered why I had to cry, or get upset or angry. It didn't help that I was skinny, and short as a kid. My friends were younger then me and would beat me up, because they felt power. But back to crying, I figured that I would cry for attention, and felt that it would help me. But in reality that would kill my chances for people to want to hang out, or find me attractive. Later the past few years I experienced Hocd, which is terrible. And bi poler-ness, and possible ADD.
Its werid because in the morning I could feel motivated, and then later feel unenergetic with a different mind set. I would get anxiety attacks with being in front of people, or talking to girl that I really like. But a big part of the problem is not being happy with what I have, and what I can do. I always misconceive situations. For example if a girl doesn't text me back, or if someone was being negative. I would see that as something I did wrong, when it could of been something entirely different. So I would experience a lot of self pity.
But the good news, these past few months I said F it. I am going to the gym to bulk and workout. I am mediating a few times a day, using some mental tools to help me keep focused and drop negative stuff. I am reanalyzing everything I say thats negative to positive. I am leaving fun things for me to do, I am taking care of myself, my appearance and what I wear. I try to say hello to strangers, without giving any negative thoughts about. I am completing goals, challenging myself, and working on refining my talents. Yeah it sucks not having a huge social status, or a girlfriend. But that happens when your happy with yourself, and care less about getting it. So far it is working well. And I know that it will take a while for me to get 100% better, but I am feeling better each week.
Any other suggestions? What do you guys think?