You cannot be compromising of self and self-sacrificing and not cross the boundary of martyrdom, unless you have expectation of a return, which then becomes co-dependency. Co-dependency isn't so bad if all parties are aware.
But please don't compromise yourself or sacrifice yourself, but if you must then do it because it is who you are and not for them. Just be yourself and embrace your humanity. Allow yourself the pain of not being the best person you want to be. But let it guide you into who you want to be, not who others want you to be.
This is controlling your own life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abuela  As I browsed through various posts, and certainly in a lot of other contexts, I often hear or read folks say "I'm taking control of my life."
I just wanted to put out a lesson that I'm slowly learning, and find out others' take on it: That what I'm also needing to learn is where it's in my best long-term interests to either share or relinquish that control.
It has to do with a combination of things. To borrow from the serenity prayer, part of it is learning to accept the things I cannot change. Another part is the necessity to compromise in all of our relationships, and to sometimes sacrifice self for another or for a relationship, without crossing the boundary into co-dependency, martyrdom, or being a doormat. Another is accepting others' wisdom even if emotionally I'm set on doing something that wiser people are saying I shouldn't do.
So, what do other folks think of this - do you really need to be, and is it even possible to be, in control of your life in all ways all the time? |