Ive been feeling good lately. Especially thanks to Steve's latest blog entry.
It shifted my perspective to what is really important to me. Ive been focused on being more loving compassionate and just connecting with others. It helped me rethink my priorities and as a result the people around me have benefited.
I feel good and calm and I feel like I really love myself. Not that life has no challenges but I deal with them calmly and with a smile. (well, not always....)
And why wouldnt I be happy?
I saw this couple who really are amazing manifesters and they just had a baby. I watched their video blog twice and it really touched me.
More and more the feeling that this is actually possible for me has entered my mind.
Now I have another dilemma:
So the guy I wrote about last time and I have been spending more time together. He has been assigned to help me with my project here.
Wow. He's a sweety! He makes me feel
good. He wants to help me and take care of me. Which is how I wanna feel in a relationship.
After we worked together last weekend intensely and made a little road trip in the country side I realized I have a crush on him
Harmless crush.
My heart says I love hanging out with him and he makes me feel good, I feel like we are on the same wavelength and he "gets" me totally.
But my logic says He's a decade younger than me, The age difference is a turn off , although he's very emotionally mature....
Also he is still a broke student, and we struggle to communicate as we dont share the same language. But we get by enough without many words.
Plus he mentioned not wanting kids, while I do very much. and I'll be leaving his small European town soon and returning to the states. (he already asked how much a ticket is and plans to visit me)
After thinking about him all week, yesterday he asked me out, with an excuse of helping me get something done that I needed to do.
Before I left the house I again decided not to kiss him or to make out because Im trying to go more slowly in this area.
He picked me up, took me to the most romantic places by the sea to show me some interesting stuff he thought Id like (he was right!)
Afterwards we came to his place where he had ready a vegan pie which he made all afternoon (Hes not vegetarian).
not really edible but so sweet of him
And then he helped me with my project.
I didnt know what he felt for me, but it was cool. Just two people connecting for hours.
And then just before I left he said- "I dont know what to do bc I want to kiss you and I cant because its not professional." and I just stood there and turned red and said "I dont know what to say"
He then drove me home and sent me a text apologizing. saying that "Im too cute and its hard for him"
, and I texted him back that he is too, and then he wrote "Oh! Ok so now I know!".
anyway, I leaving his country soon. and I feel some confusion. Im afraid of putting energy in hopeless places. But on the other hand a voice says "go with the flow". He's so damn handsome.
He has a beard, which I love. I drew a few weeks a go a man with a beard and I kissing....