Thanks, some really valuable replies. I'm pretty authentic with people, sometimes they get shocked cause I say something someone might label as inappropriate. Honestly I don't care that much what people think of me. However, I feel that I can never be even 85% authentic with people, because I feel some anxiety whenever I'm around people. I also feel that the most real me comes out when I've been drinking. So I guess in a sense I care a little bit what others think of me. I always want to do the most crazy s*it, but usually the people I'm with hold me back mentally. I think meeting a guy that has no limitations would benefit me greatly. I somehow feed of the energy of other people around me.
My anxiety causes me to stiffen up and therefore I can't really be the hilarious me, that wants to get out. But I'm still more extreme and politically incorrect than most people! Maybe I'm afraid of what might happen when I'd free my real self in a public place around people
The problem for me with "mind like water" is that's it's just impossible. I think too much, I always want to improve everything, I want to do everything and generally I'm really bad at just "having fun, chilling, relaxing or taking it easy". I also have trouble sleeping cause and I can't "turn my head off". Now, I've done some reading and I'm going to see a psychiatric to check me out. I've always thought that thinking like this is normal, but I'm not so sure anymore. You could say that I'm almost neurotic about some things.