[Kazeko]

Dear friends,

I need your help. I've grown and raised my awareness a lot. I felt better and better, enjoying my growth... until my awareness was raised enough to realize the "deep and hidden truth" about myself.

One of my friends (the best friend, in fact) told me that I'm very strong on surface, but my core is weak and unstable. And it's totally true.

I had many difficult situations since my childhood till adolescence. And they influenced me deeply. To tell it simple and fast - I have some negativity deep inside me. And (as I realize now) I tried to forget it. And succeeded. So, I upgraded myself a lot, enjoyed it, thought "now I'm a different person" and so on.

But recently (thanks to my best friend again) I've experienced massive growth and raise of awareness in the short period of time. And it became clear about that truth. This hidden negativity always holds me back. Stops my growth. Pushes me to self-sabotage my efforts uncounsciously. And this negativity is really "deep inside my core"... since childhood. I think the details (my reactions to certain situations) are not necessary to describe here.

That experience weakened me. And I fell into depression. Now I need help, love and support. And I kindly ask all of you for it. If you don't have any advice, please, do something anyway. Hold an intention to help me to resolve my inner conflicts. Say some words of support. I will appreciate any help.

I'm going to visit a psychotherapist, so the professional could help me to dig out those negative patterns and to deal with them intelligently. Now it's the only way I see as a solution.