There are certain areas in my life where my reality is already where i'd like it to be. Where Ive reached a high level of easy manifestation. So I wanna learn from these areas so I can apply them to weaker areas.
If I look at the main areas in life: Health, Abundance (and finances), Social life, Career, Relationships (including primary relationship)
So in terms of where Id like to be, Im very grateful that my abundance and my health are more or less where Id like them to be.
Manifesting in these areas is easy and calm for me. Also my social life is fine with me. And relationships with family and friends are very good too.
Careerwise Im always working hard, and some of my ambitions and goals in this area may only happen with Im in my 70s. Which is fine with me, as long as they happen. Preferably much earlier than that, but if they happen, I know Ive made some kind of contribution to the world that is significant enough. So my career is a life project, and every year I achieve goals that seemed like a dream the year before.
Now... Primary relationships- This is the area where my manifesting is weak.
And Ive been looking at all the areas in my life which are really going quite well, way above average for sure, and Im asking myself what is different in my process.
I realize that in other areas I have CERTAINTY!
I dont doubt my abundance. I know I have plenty and I never worry about this area, and so it is, more and more money flows into my life effortlessly.
In my career, yes I do have sometimes doubts, but they are not so emotional. I have doubts, but I just keep working and working. I know I can get better. I know if I keep working Ill have a lot more to contribute and people will seek it out. But yes, in this area I do not have the certainty I do with my abundance or health.
Now, primary relationship, does not yet exist in my reality, so this is my weakest area. The thing is sometimes I have certainty about this, but eventually doubt creeps in and whispers in my mind "You are alone, you'll always be alone...." And boom, within seconds, my eyes fill with tears and Im totally in doubt, self pity etc...
So my reaction is most emotional in this area.
So Ive been working on bringing in the calm certainty I have about my stronger areas, into this area of my life.
And its great!!! Because calm certainty is funner than self pity. Its like I realized who the enemy was, and now I can get rid of him. The enemy is those voices.
Another interesting thing happened. A rerun of my 10-29-2011 entry....
Like in the film Groundhog Day, the same things keep happening until you react differently....
Met another man I really liked, he asked me out, this time early on I discovered he had a gf in another town (4th time this happened in 2011)...
but now, (thanks to pyrogen!) that was fine with me, Because I am anyway not rushing to get into anything right now. I practicing on being present and just enjoying the moment with another person, not hoping and praying for anything. I knew that I DO NOT want to be kissed anyway (bc Im trying pyrogen's advice).
And i tell you, this is so powerful!
Suddenly I had my power, instead of giving it to them. I did not need anything. On my entry on 10-29-2011, I so so wanted to be kissed by the guy, I kept seeing it praying, hoping, and so I got just that, along with a kick in my stomach (bc after our passionate kissing, he told me about his new gf he hopes to marry)
But last night, with this new guy, I didnt feel his discomfort bc I wasnt sending any sexual messages. And so I could just be me!
Example: In my nature Im very romantic. I try to hide this usually. If Im with someone I really like, I want to do something really romantic, but bc I like them so much I never say it and just shrugg my shoulders and let him decide what to do, bc I dont want him to think I like him so much (I know its complicated, but basically I cant just be me if I need the other person to want me)
But yesterday I didnt care, because I had no expectations or needs.
So when he asked me what I wanna do after we had a drink, I said what I really wanted to do, which was go for a walk by the sea at night.
So we ended up having a beautiful, super romantic night, but I dont feel hopeful or disappointed. Im just happy to have made a nice (very nice!) connection with someone.
I do not think he's right for me anyway as he's at least 10 years younger and lives in a country that Ill be leaving soon. We dont speak the same language so we kept passing the dictionary back and forth.
But I can tell you, I feel liberated. Because of my new approach of being certain and without any needs, desires yes, but not needs.