I hear you....... it is as much a blessing as a curse...
1) blessing because it can be the most valuable assest you have to keep you safe, it can be trusted 100 percent of the time,
2) curse because this assest will often go against the crowd*- in other words
all others are trusting the conversation, the body language, the smile , the nuances, but your hair is standing up and your bells are banging loudly*
your head starts to fill up with thoughts that are not your own... you get anxious , you walk away and your present mood has been deeply effected,
and you get to deal with the residue.. for the rest of the day....
generally you want to give people the benefit of the doubt, take people at face value.... but THIS gift keeps you vigilent, it keeps you hyper alert all the time.........(wether you are consious of it or not), you are on a tweeked up mode, guided by an inner unseen compass, no one else sees... if you try to explain it they just think your nuts....
let me share one of the strongest experiences i have had ....
I was at a gathering once, there were alot of people, and alot of laughter... I love laughter!! it attracts me , because i attribute laughter to happy.. good
I casually stroll over , this man has snowed the crowd by his jokes, he has blinded the entire crowd to their own radar, and he is cunningly and spitefully
using his wife as a platform to do his act, his jokes were good, the best "attack the wife" jokes i had ever heard, I looked at her, she was rolling her eyes, as if yeah yeah... yeah yeah.. a grin, on her face but not inside of her
I got litterally sick.. the minute i stood there I felt everything she was feeling it hit me like a tital wave.... i almost started to cry because of the pain that woman was feeling..... she was TERRIFIED of this man
later I walked up to him in private and said If I ever hear you laugh at this womans expense again i will have you charged with verbal abuse......and dont you dare insult my gift by telling me that she was playing along with you, that she is ok with your routine because she is NOT
I hugged her when i left and said ..... dont worry he has been exposed he is going to find a new object as a platform of his jokes
here is the thing, he was dark to the core......... it was not about him being an entertainer, that he was just a ham in front of people .... he was dark
he won't change, not because he doesnt want to but because that type of person can't....... absolute curelty and enjoying every minute of it
I'll trust this discernment or empathy or whatever it called....... 100 percent of the time
|