thanks lighthtecandle. Sometimes i want to believe that we suffer for a reason. That all that suffering will lead to an answer.
I really hope I do make it and achieve my dream. I hope I can achieve my goals within the next 3 years. It would be amazing if it does. My goal is all I think about. I'm willing to sacrifice a lot to achieve it, even give up my social life to do so. I know I will have more chances to make friends when I transfer to a university. All that matters is my self-development and to catch up all those lost years as a teenager. But It also scares the crap out of me that I may fail and then I become anxious and worried. My emotional development is low. My reliance on external stimulants has impaired it. Now I stopped taking drugs and other forms of distraction and just face my challenges instead of kicking them under the bed. Its difficult but i'm learning to stop regretting the past and worrying about the future and just live for today. Thats the reason why I guess I didn't achieve much as a teenager. I need to live for the day, not the month or the year or decade.
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