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I also kind of feel sometimes like I just want to "get even" with society.
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i felt like that for a couple years too.
but i had a specific reason. (...which i'm sure is very different from yours).
...i was angry at the way that "society" created this standard of beauty that girls were expected to live up to. i felt like no one was ever pleased. i was constantly getting ridiculed for being "too skinny" and looking "sickly," yet at the same time, i was also getting praised. it was ridiculous...and it made me resent people in general. i pretty much hated everyone.
i felt like a normal, happy person who was being driven insane by a crazy society.
but ANYWAY- back to the topic.
i was able to overcome all of that by realizing that i had complete control over my sanity and my happiness...
if you start getting paranoid about what
other people think, you lose yourself in the process.
sooooo you kind of have to change the way that you see yourself and the world.
you have to stop thinking of yourself as an outcast...and realize that people are a lot more accepting than you think.
don't sweat the small stuff, and try to use your youth as a chance to gain new insight by meeting & connecting with new people.
you learn something from everyone you meet.
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Could it simply be anger at myself? Or maybe related to the social phobia?
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i think it could be related to the social phobia...
i went through a stage where i was completely antisocial, and it took a while for me to get back into a "social circle" again, too.
i had to start by hanging out with one of my old best friends, and get comfortable with her again...and then we started hanging out with
other girls, and going out together, and then hanging out with some guys, and then my social life was back to normal again.
you just have to start small and work your way up.
...especially if you're used to being alone all the time.
good luck.