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But anyway, what do I do?
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Remember that we all love you and want to see you succeed. You've already made a positive difference in this world by bringing out the good in all the people here who've tried their best to help. Focus on that. Focus on the good you'll continue to do when you overcome this unfortunate state. Finally, remember that you bear no responsibility for anything that may have happened to you to trigger such feelings. People will often play upon feelings of shame and guilt to manipulate you into complying with their will. If you reject that manipulation, you reject the shame and guilt that goes along with it. Learn to trust your instincts and do what YOU know is right.
I sincerely hope this helps and wish you the best!