Even after reading more, my thoughts are the same... I see you as looking inward, into darkness, when all you need to do is look up and out, in the sunlight. An expression keeps coming to me - and pardon me - but - Pull your head out of your ass. Take some walks. Reach *outward*. I think the *last* thing you need to do is look inward right now. Stop thinking about yourself. Don't have a thought about "levels".
I'm sorry, I know I don't know you, I'm not inside your body, but this is what's coming to me. I've learned to trust that voice, so I'm writing it out. Just try it, stop thinking of why it wouldn't work.
And - if none of what I say applies to you - just discard it. I mean no offense.
Gassho ~
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