I have been thinking, isnt it that experience hurts us so much that we un-consiously become dead inside?, a very strong way to put it, but, i think that our minds create stupid ways of protecting us, becuase our minds are really stupid if we actually arent in total control of it, for example, i got a girlfriend, i loved her so much, i writted poetry for her, i made her laugh, i took her to the movied she liked, etc etc, but suddenly another guy cames along and leaves with her!, all women are the same!, i hate women!, so, from that moment on i have this detached way of relating with women with also a little bit of hidden hate for them...
The same happens with love in general, we dont want to fall in love again and just be completely free to love because our mind wants to protect us from beign des-ilutioned, from beign heart broken again, from wasting our time, effort, and effection.
Of course when we are children and dont know a bit about how the world works, we commit many mistakes, we dont know what is good for us, but in this process, we actually dont learn to live a great life, we just learn to stay away from trouble, so our minds are constantly telling us "dont do this, be carefull, dont be enthusiastic, youll just be dissapointed like the other many times, dont give yourself to this person, youll just get hurt"... all bad, we should learn to be as happier as we can, and get rid of limiting beliefs.
PS: I have seen a couples who are resigned to be with eachother, and i have also seen people who seem to be born to fit eachother... resignation sucks...
Edit:
I forgot to mention, you should try to use eft to get rid of your limiting beliefs:
EFT Provides Impressive Health and Emotional Freedom--New Discovery Often Works Where Nothing Else is the oficial site,
Tapping.com - Free EFT Videos - Emotional Freedom Technique has some great video to get started quick.
Love is a feeling, romance is an action or attitude, so romantic love is also an attitude, not a thing, not a person, i mean, you should learn to be romantic, its a skill.
My father and mother are both hurt low self esteem people, but they are soul mates... they seem to fit eachother perfectly, but none of them are perfect, they have so many defects, bad habits, un resolved issues, but i love them... they didnt do much to grow and get rid of their personality issues, but i am doing it, this doesnt mean i think ill achieve perfection, perfection is not a goal, i think its a path, so, for me the perfect girl would be someone who also wants to grow as a person, just like me, but we would both be eternally imperfect, with defects and bad habits, the thing is, the important thing, that you must accept yourself with your imperfections to be able to accepts the imperfections of others, you must really love yourself in order to really love others, i once read that we project our insecurities on others, if you see a person who is stupid, it means that you actually think that you are not smart enough, or also stupid, i think Steve pavlina says that in his blog, you should try to find it.
Love is not about beign aproved by others, you may seek her to love you to feel aproved, you may seek her love to feel important, you may seek her love too much... is your love un-selfish?.
I also wonder, do i really know what is good for me?, can i choose a girl having in mind her characteristic and know if she is good enough for me?... is that possible?, there are things that i wont accept in a girl... but do i really know what is the best for me?... i dont think so...